Hoochie on cell: Calvin? No, that guy is a walking STD farm. I wouldn’t fuck him with Paris Hilton’s pussy!
–Coney Island, New York
Hoochie on cell: Calvin? No, that guy is a walking STD farm. I wouldn’t fuck him with Paris Hilton’s pussy!
–Coney Island, New York
Girl #1: Alex and I had sex here, on this beach.
Girl #2: When?
Girl #1: Last summer. We were staying at his parents’ beach house and would come out here at night and just do it.
Girl #2: Sounds fun.
Girl #1: Oh, it was. Until we saw this couple walking their dog by the water.
Girl #2: Hm?
Girl #1: It turned out it was Alex’s parents. They totally knew it was us.
Girl #2, laughing: Did they ever say anything about it?
Girl #1: Oh, yeah. His dad took me aside the next morning and told me we could have a private rendezvous one night if I wanted.
Girl #2: No way! That’s disgusting! Oh my god, what a perv!
Girl #1: Yeah, except he and his wife were going to get a divorce anyway…
–Stinson Beach, California
Hungover fat chick: You mean, I didn’t have sex last night?
Hungover skinny chick: Nope.
Hungover fat chick: I could have sworn I had sex with somebody last night…
Hungover skinny chick: Nope.
–Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Overheard by: glinda
College girl on cell: Last night? I don’t remember what happened last night! All I know is I woke up naked spooning with Claire!
–Wildwood, New Jersey
Overheard by: The Classy Girls Vacation in Jersey
Teen girl #1: Remember when Paul and Diane had sex at the beach last year?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, that shit’s so gross. Have you seen this water?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, there’s so much nasty shit in here.
Teen girl #2: That’s why I’ll only have sex at Jones — it’s much cleaner.
Teen girl #1: Def.
–Rockaway, New York
Overheard by: A. D.
White girl: So, what are you doing in Miami?
Black guy: We’re here for the pussy.
–South Beach, Miami, Florida
Walking vendor: Oh, I know you! I fucked your sister on your front lawn! Your parents have a really bad grub problem. They should take care of that.
–Charlestown, Rhode Island
Drunk guy #1: You keep condoms and stamps in your wallet?
Drunk guy #2: Yeah.
Drunk guy #1: So what are you gonna do, bang her and send her a thank you note?
–Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Well, it WOULD be a nice gesture…
Woman #1: I haven’t had sex in three years.
Woman #2: But what about your friend?
Woman #1: He doesn’t count, because I don’t enjoy it.
–Brittany Beach, France
