Jobs & careers

Overweight mother: I don't want to be a gladiator!

–Ocean City, Maryland

College guy: Were you in the Airborne?
Guy in wheelchair wearing ‘Army Airborne’ hat and playing guitar for money: No, but the hat helps on holiday weekends.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Boy: I told my mom I wanted to be a pirate, and she got really pissed at me and told me they rape and kill and pillage!

–Ocean City Beach, Maryland

Man #1: Hey, man, what you doing?
Man #2: Oh, nothing. Just watching this whore getting a customer across the street.
Man #1: Huh? How do you know she’s a whore?
Man #2: ‘Cause we’ve been standing here for about an hour and she’s been leaning against different cars talking, getting in, leaving, and coming back. Besides, she’s dressed like a whore.
Man #3: So are half the people here.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Les

Poli-sci professor, on international military education and training: It's like going to Harvard… (class is silent) …Harvard grad school. It's really prestigious.

–UC Santa Cruz
California

Guy #1: What I can’t understand is, $5,000 an hour for a hooker? How good can pussy be?
Woman #1: And where did he get that kind of money on a public official’s salary?
Guy #2: He could have cruised tenth avenue and gotten the same poontang for twenty bucks.
Woman #2: I don’t have to worry about Frank going to hookers. He won’t even use a bottle of ketchup if it’s already been opened.

–Italian Restaurant, Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

30-Something business dude: I’ve traveled a lot, man, and I’ve been to Costa Rica, and there are no Indians there. Like, people are educated, and there are people with Master’s degrees driving taxi cabs and stuff!

–Golden Gardens, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Be-deez nuts

Chick #1: You know what would be the hardest job in the world?
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: To emcee a fashion show. Oh my god, that must be so hard.
Chick #2: Oh, yeah.

–Capitola, California

Male boater to girl that always gets yelled at by the boss: So, are you thinking of doing this job again next summer?
Girl: Not if it means working for Rich. He's left a bad taste in my mouth.

–Lake George, New York

Girl to boyfriend: All I have to do is finish this project, and I got my degree!
Boyfriend: You know what's a degree? Your vagina!

–Gulf Coast University, Florida