I Was Thinking Later, You Might Wanna — Oww! For Fuck’s Sake! Stop Doing That!

Drunken man, hitting on woman: Your eyes melt the elastic band in my swim trunks!

–Grand Beach, Manitoba

Overheard by: Tanning @ The beach

Little girl, very afraid of the toilet: No!
Girl’s frustrated mother: Go to the bathroom. It’s not going to hurt you. I promise!
Girl: No!
Mother: Please! I’ll be standing right here. Nothing will happen.
Girl: No no no no no!
Mother: Goddammit, Kylie! You can’t hold you poop in forever!

–Newport Beach, California

Overheard by: Millie

Large gay man on bike, calling back to others: Come on, guys! We’re going to miss the Origami!

–Provincetown, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: mj

Mom to #2 girls running from pool to their towel: Get away from that towel! You’re wet, you don’t need no towel!

–Mount Vernon NY

Tourist: So, what’s on the other side of the lake?
Lifeguard: Ummm, that’s not a lake — that’s the Atlantic Ocean.

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Little boy: Ew, dad! Look! Dog poo!
Father: No, I think that’s bat poo.
Little boy: Batman’s poo?

–Byron Bay, Australia

Girl #1: Do you want to come run with me?
Girl #2: Yeah, just let me finish this cigarette.
Girl #1: Yeah. I think I’ll have one, too. It loosens up your lungs.

–Dewey Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Steve

Drunk teen guy: If I had a vag, I’d totally stick drugs and shit up there!

–Lavalette, New Jersey

Overheard by: I have one, but I don’t

Teen boy: … And you’re so racist.
Teen girl: I’m really not.
Teen boy: It’s okay. I find it sexy.

–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: Api

Queer to boyfriend: You’d look so hot with a peg leg!

Fire Island Boulevard, Fire Island, New York

Overheard by: Bryan