30-something Guido to pretty girl: Hey. I hear you're looking for a stud. I've got the STD, all I need is “u.” –Pacific Beach, California
20-something male, chasing after another with driftwood: Go back to the sea from whence you came! –Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Little boy: Mom, Jewish people are from the desert, right?
Little boy: So why are they in Miami?
Mom: The beach is like a desert — with water, though.
Little boy: Oh. What about black people?
Mom: Sweetie, they’re just tan. They’re all just tan. Now go play. [pause] It’s like I’m healing the world. –Miami, Florida
Drunk wedding guest: Hey, cool! I wonder what bay that is…
Sober guest: Uh, that’s the Atlantic Ocean.
Drunken wedding guest: Are you sure? It looks too calm to be an ocean.
Sober guest: We’re as far East as you can get in New Jersey. That’s the ocean.
Drunken wedding guest: I think it’s some sort of bay.
Sober guest: There’s no land on the other side! It’s the ocean! –Sea Bright, New Jersey Overheard by: I looked at the map
Dad: What grows in the marsh, baby?
Little girl: Marshmallows?
Dad, to mom: You want her to go to what college? –Tybee Island, Georgia Overheard by: Sullivan
Little black kid: Why can't we go in the pool?
Friend: What pool? That ain't no pool, nigga, it's got sharks in it! –Coney Island Boardwalk, New York
Teen boy: Let’s go back in the water since I have sand in my ass. –San Clemente Beach, California Overheard by: Wanted to kill this kid
Mom, pushing crying three-year-old: You cannot cry here! Wait till we get back to New York, where it s snowing, to cry! –Isla Verde, San Juan, Puerto Rico Overheard by: i wanna cry too!
Walrusy pink tourist mom, juggling McDonald's bags and towels: Are those seagulls following us?
Dancing pink tourist toddler: I want hanka burger and French-ah fries!
(seagulls swoop over them, attacking the bags)
Dancing pink tourist, shrieking: Oh my god! My French-ah fries! –St. Peterburg Beach, Florida Overheard by: Sandy Paws
Girl wearing bikini to group of girls wearing chunky sneakers, shorts with suspenders and bedazzled tank tops: Why are you guys wearing that?
Girl in group, nonchalantly: Cuz' we lookin' swagalicious. –St. Joseph, Michigan