Overweight woman chasing squirrley eight-year-old on the beach: Get over…boy! You get…boy! Boy! You lucky I can't run fast in this sand!
–Beach Boardwalk, Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Go Kid Go!
Which Is Really Making Me Sick
Concerned passerby: Dude… Are you okay?
Concerned drunk: I appreciate your concern, but you’re standing in my puke.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
You Should Take It Through the Carwash Today
Teen boy on beach, moving desperately: Holy fuck, there's something in my shorts!
Teen floozy in too-tight hot pink rubber bands: No shit, Sherlock. I was riding it last night.
–Tybee, Georgia
Overheard by: Sunbather pining for her girlfriend
Is This Thing On?
Bikini girl #1: Oh my god, he was totally sleeping, and his member was, like, totally awake. Like, hello?!
Bikini girl #2, giggling: Yeah, hello?!
Bikini girl #3, giggling: Hello?!
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
A Safe Projection Based on Past Performance
18-year-old girl #1: I wonder what we’ll be like in college…
18-year-old girl #2: I think I’ll be a slut.
–Cable Beach, Bahamas
Overheard by: Rachel
A Blonde Twin
40-something guy: That must be like an all-you-can-eat salad bar of STDs!
60-something guy: She’s a twin.
–Pancake House, Redondo Beach, California
Don't Expect Sparkling Conversation During Your Boat Ride to the Isle of the Dead
Guy: Um, do you know where the water is?
Lady: Cold.
–Rockaway Beach, New York
I Think I've Seen This Kirsten Dunst Movie…
Teen #1: So, do you, like, speak Spanish?
Teen #2: Yeah! Like a little.
Teen #1: So, what'd you like say to him?
Teen #2: I was like, “hola.”
–Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: MoMo
You're Kind of Creeping Me Out
Mom telling young son to hold her hand: I just love you so much I can’t let go.
Little boy: You don’t have to love me that much.
–Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: local onlooker
Celebrity Wit
After four years of documenting the insights of the Unknown Man in the Street,
we’re branching out and documenting the insights of the Celebrity, too. Let
us know what you think of our new site, Celebrity Wit, by e-mailing us at
[email protected] or [email protected].com
Team Overheard