Unlike Those Adult Babies Who Give You Giant Scars

60-something naked man: Yeah, but he was born at a very young age too.

–Sunny Isles, Florida

Overheard by: Kris

Swedish guy, to French guy: So you’re telling me I just paid like 1,000 Euro to go here and find out that some fuckin’ frogshagger screwed my girlfriend?

French guy says nothing.

Swedish guy: Hey, that’s three words for “intercourse” in one sentence! Personal record!

–Côte d’Azur, France

Overheard by: Another Swede

Drunk guy: If my life is their vacation, then why am I fucking broke, eating raw Ramen noodles for dinner, sleeping on the beach with the seagulls every fucking night?

–West Dennis Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: rob

Worried surfer: I’ve been out here four hours and my knob still hasn’t changed color!

–Coogee Beach, Sydney, Australia

Guy #1: What I can’t understand is, $5,000 an hour for a hooker? How good can pussy be?
Woman #1: And where did he get that kind of money on a public official’s salary?
Guy #2: He could have cruised tenth avenue and gotten the same poontang for twenty bucks.
Woman #2: I don’t have to worry about Frank going to hookers. He won’t even use a bottle of ketchup if it’s already been opened.

–Italian Restaurant, Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

Gay guy on the beach to friend: I knew this guy once, he smoked some meth, and he was so messed up he got double penetrated… but didn't even realize it.

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: Chickenring

Girl #1: But then I thought, ‘Why the hell would he kiss her when he has me?’
Girl #2: Uh, because of the herpes?
Girl #1: Fuck you.

–Cape May, New Jersey

Overheard by: J.Tro

American: Why did she stare at me like that? Is my accent that horrible? Did I say something wrong?
Japanese-American: Your accent isn’t that bad. But you made the Japanese “fuck you” gesture with your hands.

–Beach near Tokyo

Surfer girl #1, sitting on board in the ocean: I hope it doesn't rain, I really don't want my hair to get wet.
Surfer girl #2: Do you listen to yourself when you speak?
Surfer girl #1: I tune in and out.

–One Mile Beach, Australia

Overheard by: Jess

Drunk white guy: Girl, I love you. You remind me of my friends from Philly!
Sober black girl: Why? Cause I'm black?
Drunk white guy: Yes. (pause) I felt you deserved an honest answer!

–Port Hueneme, California

Overheard by: honesty is the best policy