Kid: Mom, we get two months off for school this summer right?
Mom: No, you get like eight weeks.
Kid: Oh, okay.
–Ocean Beach, California
Overheard by: Stephanie
How J-Lo Can You Go?
Hootchie #1: You can totally see my ass-crack in these jeans — what do you think?
Hootchie #2: Ass-crack is the new cleavage.
–San Diego, California
Overheard by: AP
I Think I've Seen This Vin Diesel Family Comedy…
Postman on cell: Yeah, I'm not a street gangsta–but I'm a gangsta in the house. I hold that shit down. Anybody can be all tough in the streets, but me, I got the house on lock.
–Rockaway Beach, New York
Overheard by: Tigertail
Otherwise Known As Britney's New Fragrance Believe
Girl: I like the smell of that. What is it?
Guy: Garbage.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: zsaint
Did That Guy Seem Juiced Up to You?
Skinny, half naked black guy wearing purple booty shorts: “do you guys do drugs?”
College kids: “no…”
Black guy: “oh I do…I'm a drug addict. Yeah, I just came from a rave, there are some crazy people out there! Why are y'all sitting here in the middle of venice beach? It gets dangerous here at night!”
College kid (holding an orange): “well, I'm strapped, so…”
Black guy: “is that an orange? Can I have it?” (takes orange and walks away).
–Venice Beach
Overheard by: Keidi
How to Come Out to Your Mom: A Teenager's Guide
Teenage son: Mom, did dad ever kiss me? Like when I was little?
Mom: Your dad kissed you.
Teenage son: Yeah, but did he ever kiss me on the lips?
Mom: I'm not sure what you're asking.
–Cannon Beach, Oregon
Overheard by: Ann
The House Used to Belong to a Black Man
Lady: You have an awfully long deck.
Homeowner: Thanks… Oh, you said ‘deck.’
–Topsail Island, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jim
In a Related Story, Keira Knightley Spotted Scouring the Beach for Buried Treasure
Guy: My god, what is that?
Chick: What?
Guy: This thing here. Medical waste is washing up on the shore.
Chick: What are you talking about?
Guy: Right there. It’s a breast implant.
Chick: It’s a jellyfish, you ninny.
Guy: … I wondered why there were so many.
–Jersey Shore, New Jersey
Get It Drunk and It'll Do Both at the Same Time
Passenger: Excuse me, sir, but does that staircase go up or down?
Crew member: Yes.
–Boarding a cruise ship
And Lived Happily Ever After
20-something college guy: So he was getting the anal beads pulled out, coming at the same time, and he shat all over this girl’s couch.
20-something college girl: Well then what did he do?
20-something college guy: I dunno, he probably wiped his ass and left…
–Casino Beach, Pensacola, Florida