Guy on crowded boardwalk: Hey, you! You, over there! Hey, you in the bathing suit, I’m talking to you!
–Orchard Beach, Maine
For Chubby Girls, Love Is a Battlefield
[Guy on Harley drives by with Pat Benatar’s “Love Is a Battlefield” blasting.]Chubby girl #1: What the hell?
Chubby girl #2: That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.
–Bookfair, St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: Jamie
…And Pass the Vodka
Snorkel guide: The blue belt is for the strong swimmer. The orange belt is for… the weaker swimmer.
Man to wife: You better get the orange belt.
Wife: Hey, shut up!
–Jamaica
Overheard by: Peeto the Cheeto
There’s a Fucking Version? My Life Is Complete!
Boyfriend to girlfriend: So, what do you want to do? You wanna go shopping or something?
Extremely feminine, sweet-looking girl: I just wanna go home and watch some fucking Dragonball Z.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Mom: This Can of Refuse is Called ‘Pizza,’ Billy. It’s a Special Treat!
Little boy: I like pizza!
Older guy: Me too.
Little boy: I eat pizza in a garbage pail!
–Sun & Surf Beach Club, Atlantic Beach, New York
Overheard by: Kristen
Must Be Cracker Mating Season
Dumb meatheads to dumb girls: So we’ve got triscuits and flavor-blasted goldfish back at our condo if you want to come with us.
–Siesta Beach, Florida
…But, to Be Fair, There Are Douchebags Everywhere.
Big burly tattooed Bostonian man: They found ’em in Jersey and Lake Michigan.
–Cape Cod Beach, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Nancy and Andrea
A Cell Phone Is Like a Woman: If It’s Not Turned On, It Stays Dry
Wrestler #1: The other day I went in the water, and I forgot my cell phone was in my pocket. It doesn’t work anymore.
Wrestler #2: Was it on?
Wrestler #1: Yes.
Wrestler #2: Well, you should have turned it off before you went in!
–The Black Sea
Because Then Who Would Guard Our Ice Cream While We Stole New Towels?
Girl: I hope nobody stole our towels while we were stealing ice cream.
–Melbourne Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Ali and Livi
Plus It Helps Wash Down the Sand.
Male: Your kid is eating the sunscreen.
Female: It’s okay, he’s bright on the inside. It’s good for him.
–Pacific Beach, California
