Teen #1: So he’s like, “nuh uh,” and I’m like, “uh huh,” and he’s like, “nuh uh,” and I’m like, “um… uh huh,” and he’s like, “nuh uh.“
Teen #2: No way!
Teen #1: Way.
–Golden Gardens, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Translater Please!
That’s Not What “Swimmers Will Be Penalized” Means, Bobby.
Skinny hipster in the river: Then why the fuck are we swimming here if I could lose my fucking dick?!
–Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: commodore
And They’ll Fight Your Enemies to the Death
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, my dad’s getting re-married this summer.
Teenage girl #2: Omigod, my dad just got one of those Filipino mail order brides, and let me tell you, they make the best egg rolls ever.
–Nassau, Bahamas
Overheard by: Spring Break wooooo!
Calm Down, Feminists, He’s Just Tara’s Plastic Surgeon
Guy to friend: If they’re not Tara Reid, I don’t want to see their tits.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Another Round of ‘Two Truths and a Lie’
Jersey girl: I never understood the Jersey Shore — the water is dirty and the streets are trashy.
Dude: Just like the girls here, dirty and trashy.
Jersey girl: Yeah, but at least we have good hair.
–Ocean Grove, New Jersey
Tahitian Women: ‘There’s So Much More to Us Than That!’
Tanned girl: That’s not tanning lotion. That’s brown paint.
Pale girl: Well, it cost me $80 so it better get me your color. Besides, it says Tahitian women have been using it for years!
Tanned girl: Yeah, and Tahitian women have been having syphilis for years, too.
–Sporting Beach Club, Beirut, Lebanon
Overheard by: Nicolien
Is That a Challenge?
Little girl, very afraid of the toilet: No!
Girl’s frustrated mother: Go to the bathroom. It’s not going to hurt you. I promise!
Girl: No!
Mother: Please! I’ll be standing right here. Nothing will happen.
Girl: No no no no no!
Mother: Goddammit, Kylie! You can’t hold you poop in forever!
–Newport Beach, California
Overheard by: Millie
Let Me Define My Terms
Old hairy guy: Welcome to the Pacific Ocean!
Dumb blonde: Huh? The ocean? I thought you said we were going to the beach!
–Beverly Beach, Oregon
Overheard by: please tell me she’s kidding
…So You’re An, Um, Member Of the Same Club.
Frat guy #1: So he was dating her for a whole month before he realized she was a tranny. Even had sex with her twice, no clue.
Frat guy #2: There’s no way he didn’t know!
Frat guy #1: Well, he was drunk. And you went out with her before he did, so who are you to talk?
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: The WC
I Thought It Was a Floating Penitentiary
Guy: What’s the capital of… Iraq?
Girl: Baghdad.
Guy: Lebanon?
Girl: Beirut.
Bimbo: Oh my god, how do you know all this? Have you been to these countries?
Girl #1: Yeah, because they’re all such fun places to go visit…
Bimbo: I don’t know any capitals except like Australia.
Guy: I’m sure you do, what about New Zealand?
Bimbo: That’s a country?!
–Melbourne, Australia
