Spring breaker girls to group of 30-something guys: Hey, you guys want us to take your picture for you?
Guys: Huh?
Girls: Do you want us to take the shot?
Guys: A shot? Tequila? You girls like patron? Waitress! Shots!
Girls: Wow, that was easy…
–Key West, Florida
Lady #1: You can take that dog on board?
Lady #2: Sure, but he has to be small enough to fit under the seat in front of you. And you have to pay 75 dollars for each leg.
Lady #1: 75 dollars for each leg of the dog?!
–Tampa airport, Florida
Mother: Do you know how dogs introduce themselves to each other?
Eight-year-old daughter: No, how?
Mother: They sniff each other’s butts.
–Guam
Overheard by: Nadine
Eight-year-old boy to valet fetching a car outside a fancy restaurant: You run like an idiot!
Mom: Quiet, dear, he is just a car parking guy.
–Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Ashley
Drunk girl: I think I am sexually attracted to fire.
Sober girl: Yeah…let me know how that goes.
Drunk girl: It burns, but I gotta admit I love the smell of burning pubic hair in the morning.
–Gold Coast, Australia
Dude #1: You know how your girlfriend does that thing with her tongue?
Dude #2: I’ve talked to her about that.
–St. Augustine, Florida
Two girls are dancing in their car, while listening to ‘Boom Boom Boom Boom.’
Driver’s seat: Dude, I wonder if people are staring at us right now.
Passenger’s seat: We’re in a car. No one can see us! We have tinted windows!
Driver’s seat: Dude. All the windows are down.
–Spring Lake, New Jersey
Overheard by: Thank god I have a high IQ
Hoochie to friends: Okay, girls, our goal for this weekend is to not end up on the Internet again.
–South Beach, Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Ladle
Latina #1: I feel like everybody hates me.
Latina #2: Maybe it’s ’cause you feet stink.
–Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, New York
Mother: Stop flicking your ear.
Tween son: I can’t. My ear is so awesome.
Mother: You’re so retarded sometimes.
Tween son: Like dad?
–Orchard Beach, The Bronx, New York
Overheard by: Pinks
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
