Tween #1: Ohmigod. It’s soooo sandy.
Tween #2: Um, it’s a beach.
Random old man: Damn teeny boppers.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: I hate shoobies.
We Should Have Brought at Least Three Rolls of TP!
Small boy to friend while riding their bikes: So, are you on your second pair of underwear yet?
–Pinery Provincial Park, Grand Bend, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: debbie
Teaching Your Kids to Levitate Via Negative Feedback
Parent: Joshua, no! Don’t touch the sand! No! No! No! Put it down! Joshua! Don’t touch the sand!
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: gunky
This Time Jesus Turns the Beer into Fanta Grape
Cop: All right, what’s in the cup?
Young guy: Uh, beer.
Cop: I asked you what’s in the cup. Now give it to me.
Young guy: I just told you, it’s beer!
Cop: You do know it’s illegal to be drinking on the boardwalk, right?
Young guy: It’s soda.
Cop: It’s beer. Give it to me.
Young guy: No! It’s mine!
Young guy runs off with cup.
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: also kinda drunk
It Was America’s Funniest Home Intercourse
College chick on cell: I’m like, ‘Why do I have to have dreams about us breaking up? Why can’t I have dreams like I used to… Like when I was fucking Bob Saget?’
–Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Ava
Where Do You Live, Again?
10-year-old boy: My mom is such a fucking slut.
–Malibu, California
Overheard by: nicole
We Talk of Many Things
Woman #1: Oh my god! How are you?
Woman #2: I’m great! How are you?
Woman #1: I’m great! How’s your walrus?
Woman #2: Oh, he’s fine. I’m keeping him in my living room.
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Overheard by: Adam Kraemer
Florida Girls Are, Well, Different
Sailor #1, in bathroom: Ew! I saw your dick!
Sailor #2: Ew! You wish!
–Pensacola, Florida
Overheard by: disturbed roommate
If Gigolos Were Allowed to Telemarket
Man on phone: How about I stick my penis in your vagina?
Woman on the other end of the phone, loudly: How bout…no.
–Pismo Beach, California
Overheard by: couldn’t contain
He’ll Have His Own Travel Show Within Six Months
Man with thick Russian accent to group of dancing girls: Shake it, shake it!
(seriously) But do not break it.
–Brighton Beach, New York
