Aristocrat: Muscles are trashy.
–Nantucket, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Spencer
You Know She Likes Fish
Hot chick #1 (laying on Little Mermaid towel): I always feel bad laying on her like this.
Hot chick #2: I wouldn’t! I’d scissor her face if she was real.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Nobody Expected Wingtips
Hippie girl: Hey, how’s Stone?
Hippie guy: You know — he’s Stone… Oh, wait! He started wearing shoes!
Hippie girl: Well, that is a change!
–Maui, Hawaii
Yeah, Until It Melts
Teen girl #1: Hey, you can have some of my Coke if you want.
Teen girl #2: Yeah, thanks [sips]. Ugh, it has ice. I’m allergic to ice.
Dude: Oh my god, really? You’re allergic to ice?!
–Sydney, Australia
She's Already Fast-Forwarded the Kid Through Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and God
Young Boy: Mommy Mommy, they have Nemo in that fish tank!
Mom: Honey, Nemo’s dead.
–Antigua, the Caribbean
Overheard by: Ollie
It Was at Once Zesty and Explosive!
Older guy: We had dinner there earlier in the week. I got food poisoning.
Young kayaking guide: Really? Was it good?
–York Beach, Maine
Some Carousels Are More Intense Than Others
Girl: I would have stayed on longer, but my swimsuit was on one ankle!
–Madison Lake, Minnesota
David Lynch's Dune: The Director's Cut
Girl: Hey, Daddy, look, I am riding a giant sand penis.
Daddy: I really don’t want to ever hear you say that again.
Girl: Daddy, do you want to ride the giant sand penis?
–Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: Lori Lou Who
…and Embarrass Me in Front Of My Criminal Enterprise Assoicates
Tattooed dad to two-year-old daughter struggling to get on tricycle: Remember, sweetie, always get on from the left so you don't burn yourself on the exhaust pipe.
–Playground, Alameda, California
Overheard by: lith
Indigenous Australians: Thanks, but We're Not Accepting Recruits
Little boy #1: I'm getting really tanned on this holiday.
Little boy #2: Yeah, you're turning into an aboriginal. When I grow up I want to be an aboriginal like you.
–Batemans Bay, Australia