Beach guy #1: We need to find some slutty girls tonight.
Beach guy #2: Yeah, sluts are great for hangovers.

–Waikiki Beach, Hawaii

Overheard by: Jellyfish Jaq

Clearly stoned: Oh my god the waves are so big you can barely see them!!

–Clearwater Beach, Fl

Overheard by: palmface

Teen girl: My ribs are so big!
Mom: You can blame your father for that.
Dad: Your ribs are fine.
Teen girl: They look like a second set of boobs!
Dad: They look fine.
Mom: You know, you can get surgery to have some of them removed.

–Belmar, New Jersey

Girl: Hm. Which way should we sit? Where’s the sun?
Guy: Yeah. See, that’s what’s wrong with East Coast beaches. The sun ends up, like, behind you.

–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: kev

Teen girl #1: Was he gay?
Teen girl #2: No, he was Mexican.

–Lavallette, New Jersey

Man, carrying two hands full of knives: Knives for sale! Knives for sale! 100 dollars! Getting tired of your brother, your cousin, your mother-in-law? Knives for sale! You feeling suicidal? Knives! Knives for sale! 100 dollars!

–Montego Bay, Jamaica

Overheard by: Elle

Daughter, to mom: So how do you know when to just lay there and when to beat them off?

–Ocean Beach, San Diego, California

Woman on beach: Ah, I didn't come to the beach to get wet! It's getting in my hair, on my shoes. Where are the car keys?

–Port Elgin, Ontario, Canadia

Overheard by: Linz

Delighted five-year-old: Mommy! Mommy! A fish!
Mom: What is it?
Delighted five-year-old: A fish! In the water!
Mom: Oh, you see a fish? Is he swimmin’?
Delighted five-year-old: No! He’s dead!

–Clove Lake Park, Staten Island

Mexican tour guide: Virgin women between the ages of 19-24 were sacrificed at the top of the main temple to the sun god–
Bored Brit #1: –What he really means is that all the pretty birds had already been laid so they had to sacrifice the ugly birds for the benefit of the future civilization.
Bored Brit #2: I don’t care. All I want to do is run to the top of that little temple, have a fag, and look at the ocean.

–Cancun, Mexico