Mom to screaming eight-year-old boy: I'm going to throw you in the pool if you don't behave.
Eight-year-old boy: Are you crazy? I'll get an ear infection!
–Resort Restaurant, Dominican Republic
Overheard by: Tanya from NY
You Can't Take Clint Eastwood Anywhere.
Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin' staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He's giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it.
–Ocean Beach, California
I'm Not Sure My Breasts Are Bouncy Enough for This
Girl in the ocean to onshore friend: Come out here! I'm like The Little Mermaid without Sebastian! I don't even have flounder!
Girl on shore: (shakes head no)
Girl in the ocean: Come on! You've seen Baywatch! Jog!
–Smith's Point, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Andi
That's What in English We Call 'What a Penis Looks Like in Japan'
Boss: What do you call this finger in English?
Employee: The ring finger.
Boss: Ok, how about this one?
Employee: Uh, hold it right there [takes a picture] That’s the middle finger.
Boss: I see. How about the little one?
Translated from the Japanese
–Beach BBQ in Toyama, Japan
No, Honey, When Daddy Said He Had Immunity, It Was Because He Testified
Little girl: I’m Italian, so I don’t get sick.
–Mashpee, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Jill
…Have You Ever Played Second Life?
Dirty surfer to disinterested hippie girl: I mean, I do something for the military that nobody else does, no one has ever been able to do. It's tracking a submarine, underwater, tracking exactly where it is and where it goes, without using sonar, or any technology, or detection devices. They don't know how I do it, and I won't tell them, but I do it. I've won awards for it.
–Ala Moana Blvd. honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel
Gotta Freak Out the Norms Whenever Possible
Group of valley girls, giggling: So you’re bisexual, right?
Girl with piercings and multi-colored hair: Ummm… Yeah…?
Group of valley girls: So, what does that mean?!
Girl with piercings and multi-colored hair: Holy shit… Okay, you know what? Go ask your preacher.
–Centennial Beach, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: shutterbug
Even Dick Sucking?
Furious teenage boy to other teens: Just because you call “no-homo” before you do something doesn't mean it's not gay!
–Coney Island, New York
My Money's on the One with the Thick Brow
Yuppie #1, trying to take over occupied bonfire: It’s okay — we just have to wait for them to light themselves on fire.
Yuppie #2: Yeah, it’s like evolution.
–Dockweiler Beach, California
I Fear the Day When I Am Asked to Jump
White teen girl #1: The first rule of being white is never admitting that you’re white.
White teen girl #2: Oh! I never admit that!
–Avon Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: NotFromJersey
