Teen to group of college students: Hey… What are you guys up to?
College student: Playing hide-and-seek.
Teen: Well, I was looking to get high, but that works too…
–Encinitas, California
Overheard by: Actually was playing hide and seek
No, It’s Actually for Vacationers Who Need a Change of Pace
Teen tourist: Oh my God, there’s a high school over there! Wait, does that mean people actually live here? I thought it was just a tourist place. Weird.
–Aruba
Either Way, She Will Grow Up to Be Much Sought After
Mom: What did that lady ask you?
Little girl, wearing “Cerveza With a Smile” shirt: She asked what my shirt said.
Mom: Do you know what it says?
Grandpa: Service with a smile.
–Cedar Point, Ohio
Overheard by: devin the artist
I Don’t Know — Last Night You Said the Same Thing about Vomiting
Girl: We have to start drinking. It’s the only thing that will make us feel normal.
–Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: Amy
I Admire His Persistence, But I Am Beginning to Chafe
Asian girl: He fell in my hole and won’t get out!
–Long Beach, New York
I’m Looking to Upgrade
Woman walker #1: I would never go out with him–his head is huge, his clothes are always wrinkled, and he doesn’t shower.
Woman walker #2: Ugh.
Woman walker #1: Besides, he smokes.
Woman walker #2: But you smoke, too!
Woman walker #1: I know, but I never date smokers.
–Lake Miramar, California
Overheard by: El Meech
Lucky He Didn’t Order a Sex on the Beach
Tourist guy: Can I get a banana daiquiri with dark rum?
Dominican Bartender: Sí.
Tourist guy receives a banana daiquiri in one glass and another full of dark rum.
–Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
Overheard by: Devon
Where Do You Think Money Comes From, Miss Smarty-Pants?
Girl (yelling from balcony): You brought a printer on vacation with you?
Dad: Yes.
Girl: (walks away annoyed)
–Long Beach Island, New York
Overheard by: Jayne
…As Part Of the “Tatts for Tots” Program
Three-year-old girl with strong Southern accent: I am gonna get tattoos all over myself.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: james
In the Same Way That Televangelists Heal
Little boy: Mom, Jewish people are from the desert, right?
Mom: Yeah.
Little boy: So why are they in Miami?
Mom: The beach is like a desert — with water, though.
Little boy: Oh. What about black people?
Mom: Sweetie, they’re just tan. They’re all just tan. Now go play. [pause] It’s like I’m healing the world.
–Miami, Florida
