Black guy to puking white guy: Yup, I know what that's like. I do that every morning, brother! –Long Beach, Long Island, New York
Playground Basketball Turns Men Into Animals
Dad to toddler son who is stretching out his arms: If you put an elbow in my face, I'm gonna eat it! –Hotel, Orange Beach, Alabama
At Last, Texas Has Found Its Purpose in the US
Tourist: Hey! You guys musta cleaned up real good after all the hurricanes last year. Everything looks brand new again.
Beach attendant: Excuse me?
Tourist: Yeah, you guys did a better job than all those FEMA guys in New Orleans.
Beach attendant: We didn’t get any hurricanes on the West Coast.
Tourist: You must have better levees here then.
Beach attendant: Yeah, we have Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and the rest of California.
–Laguna Beach, California
You Know the Rules
Skinny white guy: I think I need to go sit in the shade for a while.
Skinny less-white guy: What?! If you are going to talk crazy, I need you to be drunk.
–Will Rogers Beach, Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Panda
At 40, after Three Failed In-Vitros, Kassidy Was to Remember This Conversation
Little girl: Are you a mom? You look like a mom.
College student: No. How old do you think I am?
Little girl: Fifteen?
–Palm City, Florida
Overheard by: MBD
That's Just Nature's Way of Telling You They're Done
Teenage girl #1: Are my nip nips showing?
Teenage girl #2: Your what whats?
Teenage girl #1: (points) My nips. It’s blinking cold, you know.
Teenage girl #2: Er… Ohh, that. Nope, can’t see a thing.
Teenage girl #1: You better check from time to time, okay? Like seriously. I don’t care, I need to poke them back in.
Teenage girl #2: But even if you poke it back in, it just pops back out like nobody’s bussiness! What do you do then, keep poking?
–Sunway Lagoon, Malaysia
Overheard by: babybhang
Won't Stop Her from Giving You Shit.
Guy to woman: I'm not going to have a nervous breakdown like you did, and I'm not going to have irritable bowl syndrome like John. I'm going to visit mom less often. –Manhattan Beach, New York
Then That Toast You Made Me for Breakfast Was All Lies?
Mom to toddler: Do not take your bathing suit off! You can't walk around naked! We're not French! –Ocean Beach, New Jersey
You Can't Take Clint Eastwood Anywhere.
Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin' staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He's giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it. –Ocean Beach, California
Death Drives American
Drunk guy to drunk friend, seeing approaching car: Hey! Watch out for death! –Terrigal, Australia