Woman: Instead of saying hello, we should say heaveno. Hello gives Satan powers.

–Toronto, Ontario

Overheard by: $ue

30 something guy standing at bar: So she asked me if I had ever slept with a stripper.
Friend: What did you say?
30 something guy: I told her the truth… I said “yeah, I slept with a stripper, of course.”

–Austin, Texas

Blond woman, wrapping towel around her waist: I feel like my thighs are too fat to be at the beach.
Gay friend: Well, shit, now they look like they're in a sausage casing. Downgrade.

–Palmetto, Boca Raton, Florida

Man with small child on his shoulders, rubbing his bald head: Rub harder! Make a wish!

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Arlene M Franks

Girl: I would have stayed on longer, but my swimsuit was on one ankle!

–Madison Lake, Minnesota

Druggie hipster #1 to friend out of earshot: Hey! Hey, you! Hey! Come here!
Druggie hipster #2: Ugh, what’s her name? Come here! Hey!
Black guy passerby: Hey, white bitch!

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Audra

College student to friend: I watch less porn when I have a girlfriend…I don’t know why.

–Daytona Beach, Florida

Cute but plump white girl: For food, I like white meat.

–Key West

Pale tourist: Hey, do you have the time?
Bronzed local child: Sure, mister! It’s 12:45.
Pale tourist: Is that Eastern Standard Time?
Bronzed local child, sarcastically: No. It’s local time in Pango-Pango.

–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Geobaldi

Girl to boyfriend: I have to go to the bathroom.
Boyfriend: Okay, but just don't let anyone hit on you there.

–St. Simon's Island, Georgia

Overheard by: Layla