Tourist looking across bay: Is that Hawaii?
Passerby: Yeah. There’s a boat that comes by every half hour to bring people there.
Tourist: Thanks. Hey, honey! We’re going to Hawaii!
–Wharf, Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: El Blingo
A+
Girl with textbook: What's the capital of the United States?
Boy: Washington, DC?
Girl with textbook: How many eggs to a dozen?
Boy: 12?
Girl with textbook: Where are the Jews?
Boy: Long Island?
–New York
Who Wants to Tap My, Um, Keg?
Heavy sweaty chick, yelling across store at friends: My sweat smells like beer!
–Surf Shop, Laguna Beach, California
If You Had a Really Good Telescope, You Could See Our Backs
Drunk wedding guest: Hey, cool! I wonder what bay that is…
Sober guest: Uh, that’s the Atlantic Ocean.
Drunken wedding guest: Are you sure? It looks too calm to be an ocean.
Sober guest: We’re as far East as you can get in New Jersey. That’s the ocean.
Drunken wedding guest: I think it’s some sort of bay.
Sober guest: There’s no land on the other side! It’s the ocean!
–Sea Bright, New Jersey
Overheard by: I looked at the map
Possibly in a Nunnery
Tattooed woman with cast: Did you see the dancer on stage with the horse tail?
Pale friend: I am ready for a vacation.
–South Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Scott on SoBe
Later, He Compared the Birth of His First Child to Eating a Shotgun
Guy #1: So, I think I’m going to ask Catherine* to marry me next weekend.
Guy #2: Where you going to get married?
Guy #1: Does a man who’s about to jump off a building worry about where they’ll bury the body?
–Bobcaygeon, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: Keith
What You Want to Steer Away from Is the Shield Volcano Kind
Tony: So, tell me about them.
Ralph: Her tits?
Tony: Yeah.
Ralph: Okay, you know those kinda tits — the Mount Everest kind?
Tony: Yeah, yeah…
Ralph: And you know those kinda tits — the Mount Whitney kind?
Tony: Uh-huh.
Ralph: They were a cross between those.
Tony: Ohhh. Solid, man, solid.
–The Hamptons, New York
Florida Girls Are, Well, Different
Sailor #1, in bathroom: Ew! I saw your dick!
Sailor #2: Ew! You wish!
–Pensacola, Florida
Overheard by: disturbed roommate
Bottom Line, Don't Go Barefoot at the Beach
Hobo to lifeguard: Yeah, I pooped here. Twice, actually. Once right there, and once right there.
–Pacifica, California
Oh, Right, the Money and the 10-inch Cock
Chick on cell: Yeah, don’t you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? Ewww, why am I dating you?
–Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: hannie bananie