Dude #1: You know, that guy we call Ass.
Dude #2: You call the guy Ass? Why?
Dude #1: Because he smells like ass. Do you want to hear the rest of my story or not?
–Plum Island, Massachusetts
Dude #1: You know, that guy we call Ass.
Dude #2: You call the guy Ass? Why?
Dude #1: Because he smells like ass. Do you want to hear the rest of my story or not?
–Plum Island, Massachusetts
Dude: Yo, that guy’s Asian as hell!
–Nag’s Head, North Carolina
Overheard by: alxie
Old woman #1: So did you get that dirty book I was talking about?
Old woman #2: No, I couldn’t find it. They don’t sell them at Barnes and Noble. I have to look on Amazon.
Old woman #1: The one I read is really graphic. This girl is this room, watching two people doing it.
Old woman #2: Yeah, I’m saving some of them to read on the plane ride.
–Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Overheard by: caySAYhey
Scene girl to friend: Hey, Ana!
Friend, yelling: Call me by my MySpace name!
Scene girl, sighing: Fine. (pause) Hey, AnaAutomaticAssaultUnicorn!
–Tampa, Florida
Tan chick: But if we go to the spa, I don’t want them to facial my tan away!
–Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts
Overheard by: hb
Tween #1: Do you think I’m a bitch?
Tween #2: No!
Tween #3: You look like a bitch.
Tween #1: What?
Tween #3: Bitches are pretty.
Tween #2: Do I look like a bitch?
–Bondi Beach, Australia
Parking lot attendant: Thirty dollars.
Woman: Last time I was here, you charged me five dollars.
Parking lot attendant: I should be charging you the same amount as it is degrees outside. I should be charging you like ninety three dollars.
–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: arc, mich
Ugly teen girl: Don’t compromise your morals! That’s the thing about debate camp. It makes people attractive that you wouldn’t normally find attractive.
–Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: glad I chose soccer camp
Seven-year-old boy: Dad! Dad! Dad! It’s time to go back to the room. I need to put on underwear — I’m starting to chafe!
Dad: Good for you. Now go back out there and deal [continues smoking his cigar].
–21st Street Beach, Ocean City, Maryland
Fat girl, to friend: That tan girl looks better in my bikini than I do.
Random guy walking by: Yeah, she does.
–Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: Cari
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist