Girl #1: Who really invented pizza?
Girl #2: I think it was the Africans.
Guy: Africans? Come on, they're still not eating pizza.

–Mt. Clemens, Michigan

Overheard by: Lauren

Girl #1: I cannot believe she thinks she can get away with wearing a thong!
Girl #2: Um, I don’t think it’s supposed to be a thong.
Girl #1: You mean her ass ate her bathing suit?

–Point Pleasant, New Jersey

Overheard by: Emily

Girl: We need to date boys who are smart and rich. Our boyfriends are stupid and poor and don’t even have the same wireless provider as us.

–Laguna Beach, California

Queer: So, like, let me get this straight. God got this lady pregnant and made her have a baby and then killed it so you could get away with whatever shit you wanted as long as you felt sorry?
Christian guy: Wow… I’ve never heard it put that way…
Queer: Sorry, I meant he killed him, it was a boy.

–Santa Cruz, California

Thin little girl: Let me see it! Let me see it!
Fat little girl: No! MY dead fish!

–Lake Erie, Monroe, Michigan

Overheard by: sandra g

Guy to couple: Hi!
Blonde wife: See, they're nice here, not like in California.

–Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: cherry picker

Friend #1: You know who's really hot? Megan Fox.
Friend #2 (in nonchalant agreement): Yeah, she's really hot. (more excitedly) You know who else is hot?
Friend #1: Who?
Friend #2: That brunette chick from the Transformers movie–damn.
Friend #1: Megan Fox?
Friend #2: Oh.

–Guarujá, São Paulo, Brazil

(guy #2 is wearing a jacket in 100-degree weather)
Guy #1: Why can’t you just wear shorts like a normal person?
Guy #2: Why can’t you drink milk with your eyes?
Guy #1: What the fuck?
Guy #2: It’s science, bitch!

–Miami, Florida

Boston woman in her late 50s: … And it’s not like it used to be. Jamaica Plain has become so culturally diverse… It’s so unfortunate!
Sunburned woman in her late 50s: Um. Where is that sunscreen?

–Surfside Beach, Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: KP

Guy #1: I can't believe he left us!
Guy #2: Yeah, me either. It really sucks being stuck on this fucking island with no hot chicks. I don't have a fucking shirt and I'm freezing my balls off!
Guy #1: Yeah, I know what you mean.

–St. Petersburg, Florida