Dude: … So I’m, like, sitting there and she just keeps staring at me! So you know what I did? I threw my pizza crust at her forehead… And she started to bleed! I mean, that was some hard pizza crust, man! And you know what did said? Nothing! She just kept staring!
–Dewey Beach, Delaware
Attitude woman: The one with the most gets crowned King or Queen.
Flippant woman: Okay, crowns sure, but the part about being drenched in pig blood and killing everyone in the gymnasium remains unspoken.
–Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: nan moran
Girl #1: Don’t go skinny dipping here.
Girl #2: Why not? That blind person is the only guy around.
Blind guy: I’m blind, not deaf. Now I can use the sound of your voice to project an image of you naked in my head. [He pauses for a moment.] It’s not pretty.
–Westhampton Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: amanda fox
Guy #1: Eh, to be honest, with as much as I’ve been laid, I’ve probably got a kid somewhere.
Guy #2: You need to practice safe sex. Put it in her pooper.
–Pismo Beach, California
Overheard by: Walking by in disbelief
JAP #1: So yeah, Aaron* and Rachel* hooked up last night.
JAP #2: Oh my god! What a fucking slut!
JAP #1: Didn’t you and Rachel give Aaron a blow job last week, at the same time?
JAP #2: Yeah, so… Your point?
JAP #1: Oh, nevermind… Just wanted to know what you thought was slutty and what wasn’t.
–Boca Beach Club, Boca Raton, Florida
Overheard by: glad i picked the boca hotel to stay at..
Lady to friends: Wow! This is a lot of sand!
–Cocoa Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Courtney
Middle aged tourist yelling frantically to children in the water: Get out, get out! There’s sharks!
Teenager with skimboard: Actually, those are a school of stingrays. They’re quite harmle…
Middle age mother, cutting him off: Shaaarks! Get out now!
–Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Jonica Grompson
Teenage girl to boyfriend: Ew, look. Haley is over there. Whore. She comes here like every day with nothing better to do.
Boyfriend: We come here every day, too.
Teenage girl: Yeah but at least we like, have friends.
–Miami Beach, Florida
Latino guy #1: I’m gonna fuck her so hard she’ll feel it in her culo.
Latino guy #2: If she really loved you, she’d let you stick it in her culo.
–Boardwalk, Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Geni
Suburban man #1: What about Sam Adams?
Suburban man #2: Ugh, I hate all Sam Adams beers. I would never touch the stuff.
Suburban man #1: Why?
Suburban man #2: Well, Sam Adams was a gay man. And, well, I believe in gayness, but I just don’t think gay people can make beer.
–Lake Waubeeka, Connecticut
Overheard by: Hametuka
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
