Tourist: How do they get the sand so white? Do they bleach it or something?
Local: We wash it every day.

–Tulum, Mexico

Overheard by: Tulumbum

Hobo to lifeguard: Yeah, I pooped here. Twice, actually. Once right there, and once right there.

–Pacifica, California

Son (looking at man in Speedo): Mom! Look at that man! He's wearing a bikini without a top!

–Long Island, New York

Girl on cell: Hey! I was wondering when you’re picking me up… Oh… Okay… Well, yeah, I’m not as exciting as getting fucked. I’d ditch me too. Okay, call me tomorrow!

–Queen’s Quay, Toronto, Canadia

Overheard by: Laura

Female tourist: So, how do they know where the islands are every day?
Male tourist: They’re chained to the sea floor so they don’t drift too far.

–Cinnamon Bay, St. John, U.S. Virgin Islands

Overheard by: stephen

Little boy: My daddy isn’t here.
Girl #1: He isn’t here? Where is he?
Little boy: In the garbage.
Girl #2: Why is he in the garbage?
Little boy: He is in the garbage.
Girl #1: Why?
Little boy: Because he doesn’t like my Skechers.

–Cocoa Beach, Florida

Overheard by: megan

Little boy: If I was a girl, I would marry my cousin.

–Palm City, Florida

Overheard by: MD

Little girl, crying: He’s not coming! He said he was going to come, and now he’s not coming!
Apathetic, topless, overly-tan mom: Go home. Eat something.

–Palavas-les-Flots, France (translated from French)

Overheard by: Christine

Bikini girl #1: Oh my god, he was totally sleeping, and his member was, like, totally awake. Like, hello?!
Bikini girl #2, giggling: Yeah, hello?!
Bikini girl #3, giggling: Hello?!

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Tattooed woman with cast: Did you see the dancer on stage with the horse tail?
Pale friend: I am ready for a vacation.

–South Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Scott on SoBe