Guy on cell: Yes, I’m on the beach. I told you, I’m in the Caribbean this week.
–Tobay Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: debbie downer
Florida Raises More Cattle Than Texas. True Story.
20-something girl, floating on waves: It’s like riding a cowboy… I mean, a bucking bronco.
20-something friend: Or is it like riding a cowboy who’s riding a bucking bronco?
–WindMark Beach, Florida
The Warden Won’t Let Us Bring It Into the Prison
20-something girl: We can’t make Eric a “sorry you got raped” cake anymore.
–Ocean City, New Jersey
…Unlike Your Soul.
Nagging mother to adult daughter, after sniping at her all afternoon: Your best attribute used to be your personality. But with the life you lead, now it’s dead.
Adult daughter’s husband, without looking up from newspaper: It’s not dead, it’s just asleep.
–Maguire’s Landing, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: oysterwoman
We Were Told This Was a Nude Beach
Pissed off mom to crying sons: You’re goddamned right, we’re leaving and we’re never coming back!
–Rye Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Robin M. StPierre
Tomorrow Night It’s The Devil in Miss Jones or Nothing
Five-year-old girl to dad humming Lion King theme: Would you please stop singing that song?!
Dad: I can’t get it out of my head.
Five-year-old girl: That’s the last time you make me watch that movie with you.
–Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: jeff little
… Hello? … Hello?
Dude on cell: So, how did that thing with the executioner go?
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Russ
If Not As Much As Your Daughter.
Woman #1: How are you, Sam? I haven’t seen you forever.
Woman #2: We need to catch up more often. How are you?
Woman #1: Don’t even ask. Only a couple of weeks ago I realized I had crabs, and just yesterday I found out my daughter has herpes. (sighs)
Woman #2: The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. At least you’re getting some action.
–Melbourne, Australia
Overheard by: Marissa
Her Father Is Data from Goonies
Guy to girl: I’m going set up booby traps round your house!
Girl to guy: Oooh, booby traps, I like the sound of that…
–Tampa, Florida
Or “Horseshoe Crabs Aren’t Fuckbuddies”
Girl to friend: Swimming without lifeguards is awesome. There’s nobody to say, “hey, no splash fights”, or “you can’t have that fifth of vodka in the water!”
–Madison Beach, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Also Drinking
