Guy: Fuckin' Wonka?
Girl, watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Yeah man, the orig.
–Dundas, Canadia
Not the Worst Pick-Up Line We've Ever Heard…
Dude: I don’t have an STD… But I want one!
–Panama City Beach, Florida
Overheard by: katie
Christ Returns in the Form of an Idiot, to Test the Compassion of the Modern Beach-Goer
Tourist: Excuse me, are we at the right beach?
Local: Umm…
Tourist: We want to go to the beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
Local: It’s right there.
Tourist: Where?
Local: Why am I talking to you again?
–San Francisco, California
At Least, That's What I Heard
Middle-aged guy: Nah, it’s never worth it if you don’t get laid. I mean, I could’ve gotten two hookers for that much!
–Lake Calhoun, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: boris the blade
Tomorrow Night It's The Devil in Miss Jones or Nothing
Five-year-old girl to dad humming Lion King theme: Would you please stop singing that song?!
Dad: I can’t get it out of my head.
Five-year-old girl: That’s the last time you make me watch that movie with you.
–Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: jeff little
That's What John Said
Atheist: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear … ” (pause) Wow! I have no idea where that came from.
Bible-lover: Actually it's from the Bible: John, chapter 4, verse 18.
Atheist: Oh, fuck! Man…
–Hanover Beach, Indiana
Overheard by: triz3en
But You Got All Pissy When I Told Them You Had Crabs!
Gay boy 1: No! I will not tell people you have herpes when you don't!
Gay boy 2: Fine, whatever! Only a real friend would, anyway!
–Boca Raton, Florida
Overheard by: Michael
Introducing, the Most Cerebral Blonde at Manasquan
Snack bar worker: Do you ladies need anything for your iced coffees?
Brunette 40-something: I hate to be a pain, but do you have any skimmed milk?
Snack bar worker (returning): I'm sorry ma'm, we ran out of skimmed milk but I did find some fat-free milk!
Brunette 40-something: Oh, thank you so much. (turns to blonde friend) She was so sweet, I didn't have the heart to tell her it's the same shit.
Blonde 40-something friend: It is?
–Manasquan Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Beach Bum
Oh, Because a Jew Would Never Overtip?
Wobbly man on a cellphone: You tip too much! You tip too much! You need jesus!
–Long Beach, CA
Overheard by: Nidonemo
Don't Wish Your Life Away. Let Me Do It.
Little boy: Mommy, is it still morning?
Mom: No, honey, it’s nighttime now.
Little boy: But you told me it was morning five minutes ago!
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: Arya