Fat sweaty drunk boyfriend to fat sweaty drunk girlfriend: Babe… I don't ever want you to have to suck my cock for money again.

–Jersey Shore

Overheard by: Five Minutes Later A Stranger Grabbed My Hair and Smelled It

Fat sweaty drunk boyfriend to fat sweaty drunk girlfriend: Babe… I don't ever want you to have to suck my cock for money again.

–Jersey Shore

Overheard by: Five Minutes Later A Stranger Grabbed My Hair and Smelled It

Man at parents’ 25th wedding anniversary party: Without my parents, I don’t know where I’d be today.
Random guest: In a Kleenex!

–Party boat, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: Big Larry

Man, hearing seagulls: Wolves!

–Upper Hutt, New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

Stoned girl: It’s really windy today. I wonder what it is on the Richter scale?

–Brighton Beach, United Kingdom

Overheard by: Chicken King

Teen boy to friend: Don’t trust women — they have vaginas. It’s where they keep all their secrets and lies!

–Coney Island, New York

Southern blonde to older, female family members: Aaaah, there's a bee in my titties!
(commotion ensues)
Sketchy guy, loudly: I'll look for it if you want.

–San Juan Beach, Puerto Rico

Mother to five-year-old: I don't want to hear your shit!

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Overheard by: Luminesce

Waiter to customer: Sir, you just missed her. She looks hotter. She just got a transplant.

–South Padre Island, Texas

Elderly lady: Come now, y’all! Key West is gonna be loads of fun! They gots the Ripley’s and Cuban people!

–Lido deck, The Carnival Glory, Key West

Overheard by: y’all need an icepack on dat thang?