Girl #1: Dude, my retainer smells nasty!
Girl #2: Just put a little bleach on it.
Girl #1: Wouldn’t that kill me?
Girl #2: Yeah, but it will make your teeth whiter.
–Tampa, Florida
Probably Because It’s Only a Hundred Miles From Maryland
Girl #1: She wants me to move to Philadelphia after college, because she has family in Pennsylvania and she wants to visit me.
Girl #2: Why would she want you to move to Philadelphia and not Pennsylvania?
–Palm City, Florida
Overheard by: MBD
Old Enough to Die of a Heart Attack During Sex, Old Enough to Have Sex With
A punk passes an 80-year-old woman in a t‑shirt emblazoned with the word ‘Hottie.’
Punk: I’d hit it.
–Boardwalk, Ocean City, Maryland
And Driving. I Really Like the Driving. And Yelling.
Guy driving by, yelling out the window: I like sex!!
Same guy driving by a minute later: I like sex!
–Panama City Beach, Florida
Not That Kind Of Package
Girl #1: I’m hungry, let’s get crepes!
Girl #2: What’s a crepe?
Girl #1, after pause: It’s like a package made out of a pancake.
–Santa Barbara, California
You Said I Could If I Was Good, Mom
Waspy overexcited college guy: And then after? Can we suck helium? Please!
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: kgw
I’ve Never Had a Boss Who Was So Tough to Swallow
Male boater to girl that always gets yelled at by the boss: So, are you thinking of doing this job again next summer?
Girl: Not if it means working for Rich. He’s left a bad taste in my mouth.
–Lake George, New York
The Fire Alarm? Really?
Father at table with whole family, after female scream is heard: Wow, that sounds like my wife’s orgasm. I’m hammered!
–Catalina Island, California
First Trip to California?
Hot chick to guy friends: Oh my gosh, bimbo! Another bimbo! And another one! Bimbo!
–Del Mar, California
The Only Acceptable Place for a Jonas Brothers Poster
Trailer trash girl: Daddy, should I put this in the toilet or hang it on the wall?
Dad: In the toilet, of course!
–Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts
