Annoyingly loud blonde: You did it in the ocean?!
–Olde Angel Inn Pub, Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canadia
Or Maybe That's from Watching Sesame Street
Girl: I’m trying to learn some Spanish before we go to Puerto Rico in May.
Guy: I took two years of French in high school, and all I can say is ‘Donde esta la biblioteca.’
–Mexican restaurant, Kemah, Texas
The Sun Finally Finished with That Chick
White muscle head to black muscle head friend: Hey, bro! You got tan! How’d you do that?
–Robert Moses State Park, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Cara
…With Your Penis Being the Obvious Exception.
Girl playing volleyball, as guy switches to her teach to even up sides: I promise we won't suck too much…
–Adelaide, Australia
You May Be Too Stupid to Be My Hag, Desdemona
Gay guy, after boy holds his hand: Ooooh! I finally get a little PDA!
Chick: Ew! TMI! Who's little Petey? Why would you name it that?
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: aoK
We End Up With an Alfredo Sauce
40-something woman: Yeah, I cook a lot of chicken. I like it baked or fried, but my husband likes when I jerk it.
–Pompano Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Nastyasha
I Blame All the Retirees Who Move Here
Driver, turning off radio and looking back: You know you live in a shitty neighborhood when you can't tell if the sirens are coming from outside or your gangster rap cd.
–Sulphur Springs, Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Killsborough
As Depicted in Debbie Does Dorsal-Fins
Drunk guy to girl: Hey, heeeeey. Sometimes I think about dolphins.
Girl (annoyed): Okay…
Drunk guy: Yes! See, they have sex for pleasure, like humans.
(girl giggles and walks away with friends)
–Smith Mountain Lake, Virginia
Um, Birth?
Beach girl in group of people: Wait! Ellen DeGeneres is gay?! Since when?
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Colleen
Tonight's Movie: The Da Vinci Clod
Blonde: What is autism?
Brunette: Are you serious?
Blonde: Isn't that when you write upside-down?
–Tampa, Florida