Why It’s Bet­ter to Eat Veg­eta­bles

Girl: What is that?!
Guy, flip­ping it over: Oh my God. Are those eye sock­ets?
Girl: Ewww. That’s no jel­ly­fish.
Guy: It looks like an al­li­ga­tor head.
Girl: But al­li­ga­tors aren’t in salt wa­ter. Maybe it got lost?
Guy: Look it has a…spine?
Girl: But a head would­n’t have a-
Woman sit­ting near­by: ‑It’s a chick­en breast. I just threw it out.
Girl and Guy: Oh.

–St. Au­gus­tine, Flori­da

Over­heard by: Cristen

They’re Try­ing to Imag­ine a Black Dude, Ob­vi­ous­ly

Queer #1: Charles, look, there’s an­oth­er one. He’s white, and the oth­er looks Asian.

Holds up large signs that say “6” and “4,” re­spec­tive­ly.

Queer #2: Def­i­nite­ly!
Queer #1: Oh, wow. Look at this one. Lati­no. Yum­m­mm!

Holds up sign that says “9.”

Queer #2: Oh, yes. To­tal­ly!
Straight girl, walk­ing by: What are you two do­ing? Com­par­ing guys’ looks?
Queer #1: Uhh…
Queer #2: Breed­er, please. The Asian guy is a 4, the white guy is a 6, and the Lati­no guy a 9. What do you think we’re try­ing to imag­ine?

–Sun­set Beach, Flori­da

Over­heard by: Man­go­Joe