I’m Go­ing to Med School

Girl to boy show­ing a pic­ture: This is for Valen­tine’s Day.
Boy: Umm… That’s re­al­ly dis­turb­ing, is it a bou­quet of penis­es?
Girl: It’s not dis­turb­ing! It’s for Valen­tine’s. (pause) Wait, did you just say “penis­es”?

–Tam­pa, Flori­da

Trans­la­tion: They Have the Best Coke

Dude #1: So, what­ev­er hap­pened to that strip­per you were dat­ing?
Dude #2: It’s over. I think it’s a bad idea to date strip­pers. You re­al­ize there’s a good rea­son they’re strip­pers, then it fucks it up every time you go back. It’s like, you look at these hot­ties and imag­ine all the pos­si­bil­i­ties, but now, af­ter dat­ing enough strip­pers, you re­al­ize the pos­si­bil­i­ties in­clude con­sol­ing her drunk ass as she cries about be­ing abused as a child while she lines up an­oth­er rail of coke, then tells you her se­cret fan­ta­sy is to see you get nailed in the ass by an­oth­er dude!
Dude #1: I still want to date one.
Dude #2: … Yeah, they’re fun.

–La­Haina’s, Mis­sion Beach, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: sean

You Can’t Se­ri­ous­ly Ex­pect Frank to Give Up a Pos­si­ble Bite Just to Save Some­one

Red­neck girl: Frank was out fish­ing with the guy who drowned yes­ter­day.
Red­neck boyfriend: Did he try to save him?
Red­neck girl: No, he was fish­ing — I told you. He thought he had one on the line.
Red­neck boyfriend: Did he?
Red­neck girl: No, it was just the wa­ter.
Red­neck boyfriend: I thought you were gonna say it was the guy who drowned.

–Hol­land State Park, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: Town­ie