Asian guy: We should get some fish and chips.
Asian girl: Ooh, I love tartar sauce. It’s my favorite continent.
Asian guy: What?
–Steveston Pier, Richmond, British Columbia
Liza, Barbra, Britney, JLo…
Man, walking with friend on pier, pointing at full moon reflecting water: In Hawaii, you see the stars reflecting in the water.
–Coney Island Boardwalk, New York
Overheard by: Janelle
And It's Making Me Feel All Funny, Like When I Climb a Rope in Gym Class
Son (looking at man in Speedo): Mom! Look at that man! He's wearing a bikini without a top!
–Long Island, New York
Critics Rave, "The Little Mersavior Is a Rollicking, Non-Canonical Laugh Riot"
Little girl to mom: The seaweed tickles! It's like Baby Jesus is underwater, tickling my feet himself!
–Vero Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Incredulous
Yeah, Until It Melts
Teen girl #1: Hey, you can have some of my Coke if you want.
Teen girl #2: Yeah, thanks [sips]. Ugh, it has ice. I’m allergic to ice.
Dude: Oh my god, really? You’re allergic to ice?!
–Sydney, Australia
I Wrote It on My Hand at One Point, but It Washed Off!
Airhead girl, trying to pick up boys: Oh, you go to [name of college]. We go to [name of college right next to it]. (thinks) We're sophomores now, right?
Airhead girl friend: Yeah, I think so.
–Sunset Bay, New York
Overheard by: defsophomore
It's Good That You Both Are Planning Ahead For Your Futures as Vagrants
Meathead: God, there are an awful lot of bums here.
Ditzy girl: I know. But think about it, being a bum in San Diego is totally smart. It’s never cold, and they can just sleep on the beach, and the church around the corner from my house feeds them for free every day. They’ve got it made!
Meathead: Totally. Being a bum here must rock. If I ever need to, I’m gonna be a bum here.
Ditzy girl: I know. I don’t know why people would be bums anywhere else. I mean, how stupid. If you’re gonna be homeless, do it in San Diego. Duh.
–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: American Goods
And Stay Out of Iowa
Black guy playing drums, smiling at toddler nearby: Hi, sweetie. What you thinkin’? [Passing white lady tourist takes picture, and black guy frowns.] I respect you, too! Do I take a picture of you at the insurance office in Iowa?!
White lady tourist: Well, I–
Black guy: –Step off, bitch! [Turns back to little girl] Don’t grow up to be like her, baby girl.
–Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: This place sure has changed since the 80s
So, You're from Europe? Do You Know John?
Guy on crowded boardwalk: Hey, you! You, over there! Hey, you in the bathing suit, I’m talking to you!
–Orchard Beach, Maine
Who Says Romance Is Dead?
Fat sweaty drunk boyfriend to fat sweaty drunk girlfriend: Babe… I don't ever want you to have to suck my cock for money again.
–Jersey Shore
Overheard by: Five Minutes Later A Stranger Grabbed My Hair and Smelled It