Your Ed­i­tors Have Paid Ex­tra for Tit­ty Gum– True Sto­ry

Guy: Hey, do you have any gum?
An­noy­ing girl: Yeah, I do… You can’t have this one, but you can have this kind. (pulls gum out of bra)
Guy: Ew! I don’t want that! It’s tit­ty gum.
An­noy­ing girl: It’s not tit­ty gum.
Brunette girl: You can have some of my gum.
Guy: Is it in your tit­ties?
Brunette girl, look­ing down shirt. Nope.
Guy: Okay!


I Was Won­der­ing If I Might Bor­row One of Your Mouths?

Mid­dle-aged man: Hi, girls. I was won­der­ing if I could bor­row one of your mag­a­zines. My wife is re­al­ly bored and for­got her book. I’ll give you a drink in re­turn.
Group of 20-ish girls: No prob­lem. Here’s a Peo­ple mag.
Mid­dle-aged man: Thanks. See ya.
Mid­dle-aged woman walks over laugh­ing and whis­pers: Girls, my hus­band is so shy — I can’t be­lieve he ac­tu­al­ly did that! And do you know what I have to do in re­turn? [Girls stare.] I have to give him a blowjob tonight!

–Sul­li­van’s Is­land, South Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Meghan

Um, Of­fi­cial­ly I Was “Just Chub­by” and My Daugh­ter Is My Lit­tle Sis­ter

Beach la­dy #1: Oh girls, last night I was watch­ing 16 and Preg­nant.
Beach la­dy #2: My daugh­ter watch­es that. Well, I think it is stu­pid! That would suck for those girls.
Beach la­dy #1: How stu­pid are these kids these days? That’s why my daugh­ter us­es safe sex.
Beach la­dy #2: Wait, weren’t you preg­nant at 16?

–Wrightsville Beach, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Emi­ly