Some Of Us Should Keep Our Shirts on at the Beach

Woman #1: You really should have seen this guy's boobs, they were huge.
Woman #2: So he needed a bra?
Man #1: A bro.
Man #2 (with hands on hips, triumphantly): A manzier!
Woman #1: What he needed was some testosterone!

–Hawaii

Overheard by: Festivus for the Rest of Us

A dog is humping a newlywed’s leg.

Mother-in-Law: Oh my God, don’t move. I have to get a picture of that!
Son-in-Law: Um…
Mother-in-Law: Okay, I’ve got the camera. Hump away, Curley!

–Lake Superior

Guy #1: Wait… When are you getting circumcised, bro?
Guy #2: Tomorrow.

–Robert Moses Beach, New York

Tween girl: Daddy, why aren’t there ever any black people at this beach?
Dad: Well, I’m not sure, but I think they don’t care for water and the sun.

–Carolina Beach, North Carolina

Overheard by: Chad

Little girl to parents: That octopus has lots of testicles!

–Apollo Bay, Victoria, Australia

Black kid: Damn, I lost my pants.
Mom: Word?

–Belmar, New Jersey

Old guy on oxygen: So, how many more beers can I have??

–Sandbridge, Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Mike

Annoyingly loud blonde: You did it in the ocean?!

–Olde Angel Inn Pub, Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canadia

40-something woman: Yeah, I cook a lot of chicken. I like it baked or fried, but my husband likes when I jerk it.

–Pompano Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Nastyasha

Duke guy: Have you read Rebecca?
Duke girl: Of Sunnybrook Farm?

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina