Bitchy friend: … So then we took a vote, and you’re the biggest slut out of all of us.
Girl: But I’m the only virgin.
Bitchy friend: We know.

–Kingston Beach, Washington

Bikini #1: Duuude, your birthmark has gotten bigger…
Bikini #2: That’s because my thigh has gotten bigger.

–The Hamptons, New York

Man: I can’t believe how much gas we saved by renting that car instead of taking mine.
Woman: Yeah, but how come you can fart in it, but I can’t smoke?

–Oregon

Thin girl ordering funnel cake: I want so much powdered sugar on it that I don't want to be able to see the dough!

–Ocean City, Maryland

Blonde: So my mom fucked me last night.
Friend: She what?
Blonde: You know, held up her middle finger…
Friend: Um…

–Malibu, California

Teen #1: Is he white?
Teen #2: Yes.
Teen #1: …Wait, does that count Michael Jackson?

–Long Beach Island, New Jersey

Boy #1: Yeah, it was cool, but that bouncer searched me like crazy. He was patting my thighs and stuff. Security is crazy at that place, huh?
Boy #2: What security?
Boy #3: What bouncer?
Boy #1: You know, that big, fat guy near the entrance.
Boy #2: There was no security dude.
Boy #1: … Then who the hell was that guy?!

Boys #2 and #3 laugh hysterically.

–Venice Beach, California

Brunette: Okay, now that I have your number, I’ll just call you and then you’ll have mine.
Blonde: Oh! It’s ringing. Okay… I’m going to reject you, and then I’m going to save you… I’m just like Jesus.

–Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: Kelly

Girl: Hey, Daddy, look, I am riding a giant sand penis.
Daddy: I really don’t want to ever hear you say that again.
Girl: Daddy, do you want to ride the giant sand penis?

–Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: Lori Lou Who

Ugly girl to hot friends: No, I want to have sex… I’m just not liking my odds right now.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: K