…We’ll Come Down From the Acid

German: We’ll see the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, and Disneyland. Then on the second day…

–Los Angeles, California

Dude #1: Yo, there are so many garbage cans here. I bet if you tried you could piss in that one from here.
Dude #2: Gross, man!
Dude #1: Okay, well, here goes!

–Coney Island, New York

Mother to son: How many times can I tell you not to touch the hobos!?

–Coney Island, New York

Girl to boy showing a picture: This is for Valentine’s Day.
Boy: Umm… That’s really disturbing, is it a bouquet of penises?
Girl: It’s not disturbing! It’s for Valentine’s. (pause) Wait, did you just say “penises”?

–Tampa, Florida

Beach guy #1: Hurry up!
Beach guy #2: Fellas, what’s the rush? The beach only starts at two!

–Cape Town, South Africa

Redhead: Holy shit! A penis!
Blonde: What?

–Boardwalk, Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Boots

Woman: So, since the hurricane is coming, are they going to put up the hurricane shield?
Municipal employee: Hurricane shield?
Woman: Yes, the hurricane shield. Doesn’t the city have a shield you put up to block the wind and such from the hurricane?!
Municipal employee: Ma’am, no such thing exists.
Woman, sarcastically: Well, aren’t you guys just the most prepared beach town in America!
Municipal employee: Have a wonderful day, ma’am.

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Cebastian

Petite and topless blonde: When I get my boobs done, I’m gonna like… Walk around school with my tits out all the time.

–South Beach, Miami, Florida

Overheard by: mar

Crazy bag lady: I’m Ozzy’s mommy!
Queer: No, you’re not! You’re a fucking gross woman who carries around used clothes and a knapsack full of tissues! Plus, Ozzy sucks!
Crazy bag lady: Fag!

–St. Petersburg, Florida

White girl: So, what are you doing in Miami?
Black guy: We’re here for the pussy.

–South Beach, Miami, Florida