Guys

Like a Bump and Grind Moron, or a Quick Fingerbang Moron?

Guy #1: Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Guy #2: The drink or actual sex?
Guy #1: Actual sex.
Guy #2: With a girl?
Guy #1: What the hell else would I mean?! Yeah, with a girl!
Guy #2: Like, actually having sex on the sand, like, right here.
Guy #1: Yeah, like in the sand with a girl on the beach, having sex.
Guy #2: You mean, like, full-on bump and grind sex or a quick fingerbang?
Guy #1: Sex, man, sex!
Guy #2: Because there are many types of sex, like anal and oral…
Guy #1: Full fucking sex! Just answer the question! Have you had sex on the beach? Jesus!
Guy #2: No, man, I haven’t.
Guy #1: You’re a fucking moron.

–Panama City, Florida

Overheard by: walking behind them trying not to bust a gut

A Blonde Twin

40-something guy: That must be like an all-you-can-eat salad bar of STDs!
60-something guy: She’s a twin.

–Pancake House, Redondo Beach, California

A George Clooney Movie and Half a Pint Of Ben and Jerry's?

Girl: Let's eat here, it's better value.
Boy: More satisfying?
Girl: No. What satisfies me, they don't sell here.

–Sushi Bar, Gold Coast, Australia

Is It My Turn to Talk?

Old fisherman: Don't be tanglin' your lines up with mine, son!
Younger fisherman: You want a beer?
Old fisherman: I saw a UFO fly right under that bridge one time.
Younger fisherman: You need a haircut.

–Creaky Dock, Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws

No, Let's Talk More about the Cheese

Woman: Where are you from?
Twelve-year-old boy: Minnesota.
Woman: Oh, yeah, you have really good cheese there.
Boy: Ummmm…
Woman: Oh, wait. No. That’s Wisconsin. They have really good cheese.
Boy: Yeah. They do. But I’m from Minnesota.

–Virginia Beach

Rivers Of Chocolate Are So Gangsta

Guy: Fuckin' Wonka?
Girl, watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Yeah man, the orig.

–Dundas, Canadia

His Girlfriend Has It Mo-We-Fr, Her Sister Tu-Th, and They Alternate Weekends

Dude #1: I wish she would just forgive me already. It’s been over a month.
Dude #2: Dude, you went down on her sister!
Dude #1: Well, yeah, exactly. It’s like the same pussy, right?

–Jacksonville Beach, Florida

I've Tried Walking It Off Without Success

Guy on cell: I don't know, it may just be the chlamydia talking, though.

–Destin, Florida

Not Exactly Rent, But It'll Do

Tanned man #1: Look at those fags over there!
Tanned man #2: Which ones?
Tanned man #1: The two over there, sitting with those four hot girls with the fine asses, big tits, and tiny bikinis.
Tanned man #2: Wait. You and I are alone. Those two guys have two girls each. Sounds like we’re the fags.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: D Meyers

…With Genocide at a Close Second.

Sunbathing guy: You know what sucks? Thinking you're more tan than you actually are.

–Ocean City, Maryland

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