Gripes

Foreign single father: So, are you guys having fun at the beach?
Son: Actually, yeah — it’s fun.
Foreign single father: Next time, have positive attitude from the start.
Son: No, that was ’cause before when you said, ‘Let’s go to the beach,’ I thought we were gonna visit Mom.

–Lake Erie, Ontario, Canadia

Overheard by: native english speaker

Dude #1: Dude, why on earth do you keep fucking her if you think she’s so disgusting? Is her pussy, like, made of gold or something?
Dude #2: No, her pussy’s made of cocaine.

–San Francisco, California

Dumb girl talking to small group of friends: Only famous people use Twitter.

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Janelle

Drinking dude: He was a cool guy until he pissed in the closet.

–Long Beach, New York

Girl #1: I get so many freckles in the sun.
Girl #2: Yeah, I am so going to get cancer in 2 years. I have so much sun damage.
Girl #3: Um, actually freckles just mean that your skin is working.

–Robert Moses Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Jackie

Guido in wife beater and jeans halfway down his ass: Anal sex hurts me.

–Belmar, New Jersey

Bike kid #1: Where are you going? The girls are coming right back!
Bike kid #2: I’m going to get gum.
Bike kid #1 to bike kid #3: We’re never bringing him to fucking Wawa again!

–Cape May, New Jersey

Overheard by: DennyCrane

Jersey woman, to seagull: Get away, you lazy sonofabitch! Go find your own food! [to friends] Just like Mexicans.

–Wildwood, New Jersey

Overheard by: Dan

Boy to girl, behind trees: I’m running out of things to put in there!

–St. George Island, Florida

Overheard by: Shocked and disturbed

Mom to 13-year-old son: What the hell is wrong with you? Were you born this stupid?

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Overheard by: bonzo