Swedish guy, to French guy: So you’re telling me I just paid like 1,000 Euro to go here and find out that some fuckin’ frogshagger screwed my girlfriend?
French guy says nothing.
Swedish guy: Hey, that’s three words for “intercourse” in one sentence! Personal record!
–Côte d’Azur, France
Overheard by: Another Swede
Drunk guy: If my life is their vacation, then why am I fucking broke, eating raw Ramen noodles for dinner, sleeping on the beach with the seagulls every fucking night?
–West Dennis Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: rob
Girl #1: But then I thought, ‘Why the hell would he kiss her when he has me?’
Girl #2: Uh, because of the herpes?
Girl #1: Fuck you.
–Cape May, New Jersey
Overheard by: J.Tro
Tween: The cute ones are not nice, the nice ones are not cute, and the cute & nice ones are gay.
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Trixie
Guy: And something else I’ve thought about: what happened to God in between the Old and New Testaments? He went from vengeful to merciful. It just doesn’t make sense.
Girl: He found God.
–Jacksonville Beach, Florida
Teenage boy: I love grass near the beach. Like, if this grass were on Ft. Rucker it would suck, 'cause it's just grass. But here it's awesome, because you know there's a beach next to it.
Dad: What the hell are you talking about?
Teenage boy: What!
–Pendleton Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Middle child
Middle-aged lady #1: He keeps calling me on the cell phone telling me he’ll be right there and I’m like, ‘I’ve been waiting 25 years, I’m leaving!’
Middle-aged lady #2: And my poor granddaughter is there, and we’re all hugging on each other…
–Cabrillo Beach, California
Overheard by: confused
Queer looking at screaming queer in water: Maybe I’m not gay.
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: laughing entirely too much
Small girl: I want to see a penis.
Father: What?
Small girl: Mommy said we go to the beach to see lots of penises because there are none at home.
–Nauset Beach, Eastham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Total Observer
Brunette teen: Last time I was here with Tony, we boned. He told me it was fun and romantic and everyone has to have sex on the beach once in their lives. It was the worst. I found sand in my ass for, like, two weeks.
Blonde teen: Ugh, I hate when that happens.
Brunette teen: What?
Blonde teen: It’s a long story, but it involves a sand box.
–Field 6, Jones Beach, New York
