Woman, to teenaged daughter: Too bad he’s a pedophile. I was going to ask him to DJ for your party.

–The Esplanade in Capitola, California

Overheard by: Katie O

Girl: They should make people wear shoes on the beach.
Fratboy: Why?
Girl: It smells like toes.
Fratboy: It doesn’t smell like toes. You’re smelling your lipstick.

–Cannon Beach, Oregon

Teen #1: Get out of the street! There’s a car coming.
Teen #2, not moving: I don’t care.
Teen #3: God, you’re so emo, it’s ridiculous.

–Rockport, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Avery

Tourist dad: Great communication, guys. Now I had to walk out here and get my feet all sandy.

–Ogunquit, Maine

Guy #1: Look at that girl over there! Now if that isn’t hot, I don’t know what is.
Guy #2: Don’t even dream about it! She’s at least a nine.
Guy #1: Well, then, I’ll just go over and talk to her, and when we start making out, you can cry yourself to sleep.

A guy with a beer walks over and kisses her.

Guy #1: Well played, sir.

–Boardwalk, Jones Beach, New York

Husband: There are always thieves on the beach.
Wife: Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine up my ass?
Husband: Well, there are.
Wife: You are just a ray of fucking sunshine up my ass! All day (imitating husband) “I can’t smoke here, I can’t drink here, there are thieves on the beach.”

–East Matunuck State Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Penny Lane

Man on cell: What? What’s up with the banana skirt? How come I don’t get a banana skirt?

–Waikiki, Honolulu, Hawaii

Italian guy about cars with undercarriage lights: Look at these shitheads with the fucking shit on their fucks!

–Jersey Shore, New Jersey

Overheard by: quazarfreez

Teen girl #1: Remember when Paul and Diane had sex at the beach last year?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, that shit’s so gross. Have you seen this water?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, there’s so much nasty shit in here.
Teen girl #2: That’s why I’ll only have sex at Jones — it’s much cleaner.
Teen girl #1: Def.

–Rockaway, New York

Overheard by: A. D.

Woman on boardwalk: Yesterday was a bad day. A dead dog washed up on the shore.

–Virginia Beach, Virginia