Middle-aged lady #1: He keeps calling me on the cell phone telling me he’ll be right there and I’m like, ‘I’ve been waiting 25 years, I’m leaving!’
Middle-aged lady #2: And my poor granddaughter is there, and we’re all hugging on each other…
–Cabrillo Beach, California
Overheard by: confused
Queer looking at screaming queer in water: Maybe I’m not gay.
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: laughing entirely too much
Small girl: I want to see a penis.
Father: What?
Small girl: Mommy said we go to the beach to see lots of penises because there are none at home.
–Nauset Beach, Eastham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Total Observer
Brunette teen: Last time I was here with Tony, we boned. He told me it was fun and romantic and everyone has to have sex on the beach once in their lives. It was the worst. I found sand in my ass for, like, two weeks.
Blonde teen: Ugh, I hate when that happens.
Brunette teen: What?
Blonde teen: It’s a long story, but it involves a sand box.
–Field 6, Jones Beach, New York
Drunk man: [Bumps into girl and puts his hand around her to move her aside.] Sorry.
Girl: Eww! You’re dirty!
Drunk man: C’mon, you know you like it!
Girl: Eww! [Drunk man walks away.] Call me!!
–Manhattan Beach, California
Overheard by: Snoog
Daughter to mother: You yell at me for saying ‘munted,’ ‘fucked,’ ‘wasted,’ and ‘shafted,’ because you say they all mean ‘having sex.’ So for the love of god, when you tell that story will you stop saying you were ‘stiffed’ by an old lady?!
–New Zealand
Local guy: Ted Kennedy hit my car and just drove off. But, you know, that guy’s always been so arrogant.
–Nantucket, Massachusetts
Woman #1: Honey, I think I need a bigger size. Somethin’ to hold some considerable inches…What did you get?
Woman #2: A twelve.
Woman #1: Ooh, I don’t have that many inches.
Woman #2: Bitch.
–Swim Shop, Passagrille, Florida
Hippie guy: I’m not against chickens!!…Look, I’m not against chickens.
–North Beach, Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Schwab
Guy: And the guy is complaining about the price of birth control! “Forty dollars?” he's saying… “For that price, I'd rather have a baby!”
–Long Beach, Long Island
Overheard by: Colleen
