Perv #1: Dude, check out that girl!
Perv #2: Which one?
Perv #1: Over there, in the yellow suit!
Perv #2: What? She can’t be more than twelve!
Perv #1: Dude, I would totally do her!
Perv #2: You need help, man. She doesn’t even have tits.
Perv #1: I’m not a titty man.
Perv #2: Yeah, well, your boyfriend in prison will be glad to hear that.
–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Steve
Kid #1: They put pears in my room. Did they put pears in your room?
Kid #2: Yeah, but they were horrible. They tasted like chocolate.
Kid #3: Do you mean they tasted like chalk?
Kid #2: Yeah.
Kid #1: Wait, how do you know what chalk tastes like?
–British Virgin Islands
Overheard by: A chocolate pear would be nice
Teen girl #1: The sand is so hot!
Teen girl #2: That’s why God put the sand near the water.
Teen girl #1: God was a genius!
–Fair Haven Beach, New York
Overheard by: Jane
Little girl staring at a plastic bag washing up on the beach: Ewww! Don’t let that touch me!
Mom: Don’t worry, honey. It can’t hurt you. It’s just a Jersey jellyfish.
–Union Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Brian
Little boy: Mommy, is it still morning?
Mom: No, honey, it’s nighttime now.
Little boy: But you told me it was morning five minutes ago!
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: Arya
Girl #1: Great, now we can’t go swimming.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: ‘Cause it’s raining. That’d be, like, double wet.
Girl #2: Oh.
–Ocean Grove Beach, Australia
Overheard by: Alex
Jehovah’s witness kid #1: Asshole!
Jehovah’s witness kid #2: Geez, Justin! We just read the frickin’ Bible! Stop talking like that!
–Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: collin
Girlfriend: Hey, do you know I heard down in Brazil they, like, mix sand in with their suntan lotion so that it exfoliates their skin?
Boyfriend: That’s fucking stupid.
Girlfriend: Tell me about it! I tried it last year and got a nasty rash. So this year I’m using sand and baby oil.
–Waikiki Beach, Hawaii
Overheard by: Neeri
Sober girl in crowded bar: I forgot what assholes people are.
–dive bar in Santa Cruz
