Gripes

Awesome mom #1: Yeah, so they were going to adopt this baby from China, but when they saw her she was ugly and they decided not to get her.
Awesome mom #2: Oh, really? That’s too bad.

–Ferry Beach, Maine

Overheard by: shawshank

Mom: Stop staring at that woman’s chest.
Tween boy: Dad said it’s okay to look as long as I don’t touch.
Mom: That’s why we aren’t married anymore.

–Jax Beach, Florida

Teen girl #1: Oh, I’m so happy for Candice!* She finally has a normal boyfriend!
Teen girl #2: Oh, that’s nice…Wait, is it that 29-year-old E dealer you guys met at that rave in Chilliwack?
Teen girl #1: Yes!

Long pause.

Teen girl #1: Well, it’s normal for her, I guess.

–English Bay, Vancouver, British Columbia

Guy: Would you like something to wipe off with?
Girl: No, I prefer to be covered in sand and cum.
Guy: Great! Same time tomorrow?

–Hollywood, Florida

Overheard by: Miles Highclub

Boy: I think what you just said is racism.
Biotech: I’ll give you racism, you black bitch.

–Williamstown, Melbourne, Australia

Overheard by: knee coal

Teen boy, to anorexic teen girl #1: Why do you keep your phone in your thong?
Anorexic teen girl #2: Well, where else is she going to put it? She has no boobs.

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sam

Girl #1: There are so many pale, fat guys here in Speedos.
Girl #2: It’s like they don’t care.
Girl #1: I know.
Girl #2: It’s so not like this in America.

–Waikiki, Hawaii

Whiny little boy: Mo-ooom, it’s hot!
Mom: Stop that! Whining makes you hot.

–Isle of Palms, South Carolina

Overheard by: Laura and John

Woman: I am talking, and you are farting. That’s nice!

–Balmy Beach, Toronto, Ontario

Overheard by: nfh

20-Something daughter: Dad! Hurry up and take the picture; mom’s pressing her boobs into my back!
Mom: I’m sorry! You suckled from these boobs, you know.
20-Something daughter: Well, clearly I quit for a reason.
Dad: Yeah. Because you were too tired of fighting me for them.

–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Kate