Underage girl: Oh, my God. Look at that guy. He’s so fucking hot.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oooh, nice. Maybe if you show him your boobs, he’ll buy you a drink?
Underage girl: You think so?
Mom: No way. You’re as flat as a surfboard. If you want that guy to buy you a drink, you’d have to do a lot more than show him your boobs.
–The Seafood Bar, The Breakers, Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: The JAP
Annoyingly loud blonde: You did it in the ocean?!
–Olde Angel Inn Pub, Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canadia
Duke guy: Have you read Rebecca?
Duke girl: Of Sunnybrook Farm?
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
20-something trailer park chick: This one time I was napping, and I just let the baby crawl around the house. I woke up ’cause I felt this tug on the blankets, and I look down and she was makin’ this choking sound! So I beat on her back, right, and this penny came out. When my husband came home I was like, ‘You can’t be leavin’ change lyin’ around the house!’ But, you know, I just knew something was wrong. Just the way she was tugging on my blankets and that sound she was making, I just knew. It’s that mother-daughter thing, you know?
–Palm Beach Shores, Florida
Overheard by: Ethan
Blonde girl: Oh… I had sex with your brother last night.
Brunette girl: Oh, yeah?
Blonde girl: He has a huge cock.
Brunette girl: Oh my god! I know!
Blonde girl: Too bad he has herpes.
Brunette girl: I know…
–Burlington Beach, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: Alrighty…..
Teen to promoter throwing Halloween candy: Bitch, gimme somma dem fuckin' dots!
–West Palm Beach, Florida
Ugly overweight girl in unflattering bikini: Guys don't like you anymore after you've had sex with them.
–Belmar Beach, New Jersey
Stoned girl #1: You know what's awesome? If you look up, you see the moon and the stars, and it's like you're looking at space.
Stoned girl #2 (munching Parmesan crackers): Whoooaaa.
–Saint Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: i was stoned and it sounded cool at the time, too.
Blonde in bikini #1: She said she made eye contact with it three times.
Older man reading magazine: It was a five-year-old. That's what kids do.
Blonde in bikini #2: It was definitely not a five-year-old.
–Scarborough Beach, Rhode Island
Girl, drinking spiked hot chocolate: Oh my god, it's like Jesus died in my mouth!
–Arcata, California
