Loved the Clown Noses on the Nipples, by the Way

Drunk girl who just flashed her tits: Here, I’ll show you, but I know you’re going to laugh.
Bouncer: Like I’m gonna laugh at your ID — I just saw your tits!

–Outside Mercury Bar, Honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Here tits were pretty funny

Posted on September 24, 2023
Comebacks, Cops, Default, Drunks, Girls, Hawaii, Physical Appearance, Rack

My Cancer Never Forgets Me

Southern belle: If I had gotten on that boat, I would have met the man of my dreams. We would have had an amazing time and I would have fallen madly in love. Then I'd go back to Arkansas and he'd forget about me, just like all the rest of them.
Friend: Yeah… Need a smoke?
Southern belle: Yes! Do you have menthol? I love menthol.

–Fort Myers Beach, Florida

Posted on September 20, 2023
Feelings, Florida, Friends, Girls, Offers and requests, Relationships, Smoking

Hey, Jews Are More Than a Side Dish

Hot tan girl reading specials board: Does that say tuna and Jews?
Hot pale girl: Um, no. That says “with chips.”

–Crazy Gringo, Weirs Beach, New Hampshire

Posted on September 19, 2023
Food, Girls, New Hampshire, Questions, Religion, Words

If You're Heinous, I Guarantee It

Girl #1: Do you think a guy would tell you if he had a girlfriend?
Girl #2: Yes, of course he would!

–Belmar, New Jersey

Overheard by: kate

Posted on September 17, 2023
Friends, Girls, New Jersey, Questions, Stupidity, Three is company

No, No, I Think Paranoid Jealousy is the Appropriate Reaction

Girl #1: But then I thought, ‘Why the hell would he kiss her when he has me?’
Girl #2: Uh, because of the herpes?
Girl #1: Fuck you.

–Cape May, New Jersey

Overheard by: J.Tro

Posted on September 14, 2023
Comebacks, Girls, Gripes, New Jersey, Questions, STDs

That, and the Ben Franklin Wig

Drunk white guy: Girl, I love you. You remind me of my friends from Philly!
Sober black girl: Why? Cause I'm black?
Drunk white guy: Yes. (pause) I felt you deserved an honest answer!

–Port Hueneme, California

Overheard by: honesty is the best policy

Posted on September 12, 2023
Black people, California, Compliments, Drunks, Girls, Physical Appearance, Race

The Sun God Smiles As He Rows His Boat Across the Sky

Puzzled blonde: Where did all these waves come from? Did a boat just go by or something?

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Megan

Posted on September 6, 2023
Girls, Questions, Sensory Experiences, South Carolina, Stupidity

You Have Kids, You Mellow Out

Guy: And something else I’ve thought about: what happened to God in between the Old and New Testaments? He went from vengeful to merciful. It just doesn’t make sense.
Girl: He found God.

–Jacksonville Beach, Florida