Women

And Resigning From Your Fan Club

50-something woman: I want the tiramisu for my birthday cake!
Husband: Well, the restaurant says they only have individual portions, not a big thing. That would be expensive for eleven people.
50-something woman: Well, I don't want the key lime pie, that's fifth on a list of five options.
20-something woman #1: Well, why don't we get a pie for everyone else, and a tiramisu for you?
50-something woman: I want everyone to eat what I'm eating in commemoration of my birthday!
20-something woman #2: Oh my god. I'm leaving.

–Holden Beach, North Carolina

Overheard by: Audrey

Certainly Leaves a Sour Taste in My Mouth

Woman in red dress to friend: I ain't get none of my lemonade! They drank it up like savages!

–Coney Island, New York

Certainly Leaves a Sour Taste in My Mouth

Woman in red dress to friend: I ain't get none of my lemonade! They drank it up like savages!

–Coney Island, New York

Fictional Fucking Is So Much Neater Than the Real Thing

Old woman #1: So did you get that dirty book I was talking about?
Old woman #2: No, I couldn't find it. They don't sell them at Barnes and Noble. I have to look on Amazon.
Old woman #1: The one I read is really graphic. This girl is this room, watching two people doing it.
Old woman #2: Yeah, I'm saving some of them to read on the plane ride.

–Sandy Hook, New Jersey

Overheard by: caySAYhey

Your What?

Woman standing waist-deep in water: My labia has atrophied.

–Crescent Lake, Washington

Overheard by: The water really was that cold.

I Find the Weight Of All That Gayness Oppressive

Woman, watching animal abuse commercial on Logo: I hate this commercial. This is why I don't watch this channel. Well, this and all the gays.

–West Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Enjoys the gays

The Outdoors Is Bigger Than I Could Have Imagined

Lady to friends: Wow! This is a lot of sand!

–Cocoa Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Courtney

Becky Took Silver at the Oversharing Olympics

Woman, buying concert t-shirt: How do these run? Big? Small?
Salesman: Well, they run a little small so I usually get a bigger size.
Woman: No, no. I have just had liposuction all down my back so I want mine to be really tight.

–Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: SusanPC

Plus It Helps Wash Down the Sand.

Male: Your kid is eating the sunscreen.
Female: It's okay, he's bright on the inside. It's good for him.

–Pacific Beach, California

Something Is Making Me Uncomfortable

Boston woman in her late 50s: … And it’s not like it used to be. Jamaica Plain has become so culturally diverse… It’s so unfortunate!
Sunburned woman in her late 50s: Um. Where is that sunscreen?

–Surfside Beach, Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: KP

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