Guy to woman: I'm not going to have a nervous breakdown like you did, and I'm not going to have irritable bowl syndrome like John. I'm going to visit mom less often.

–Manhattan Beach, New York

Girl #1: Things happen for a reason, you know.
Girl #2: Yeah… It's probably good that I'm not rich. If I were rich, I'd be such a bitch!
Girl #1: Oh, I know! I'd still love you, but you'd be a total bitch.
Girl #2: Ugh… I can just hear me now: (total val voice) I'm going shopping! (normal voice) Ugh… My dad would spoil me.
Girl #1: I know! My dad too!
Girl #2: Our dads are too nice!
Girl #1: Maybe that's why god made them poor.
Girl #2: Yeah… He knew we'd be terrible people.

–Nathan's, Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Wondering if I sound like this to other people

Girl #1: Because I'm not talking to him.
Girl #2: Oh, really? I didn't know.
Girl #1: Yeah, I'm not talking to him.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because I'm not talking to him.
Girl #2: Ohhhh.

–Cavehill, Barbados

Man on cell: Yeah, Paul* and I aren't friends anymore. He used my credit card and owes me $4000. Plus, it probably doesn't help that I've been having sex with his mom… repeatedly.

–Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Amused Passenger

Naked guy #1: My girlfriend thinks it's weird that you and I come here every weekend.
Naked guy #2: Why? Did you tell her Mike and Rob come too?
Naked guy #1: Nah dude, I don't want her to think we're gay.

–Sandy Hook, New Jersey

Airhead girl, trying to pick up boys: Oh, you go to [name of college]. We go to [name of college right next to it]. (thinks) We're sophomores now, right?
Airhead girl friend: Yeah, I think so.

–Sunset Bay, New York

Overheard by: defsophomore

Nagging wife on bicycle to defeated downtrodden husband on bicycle: The more I talk to you, the more my stomach is getting aggravated… 'cause you're an asshole!

–South Beach Boardwalk, New York

Overheard by: J9 and G-Rod

Drunk chick on raft: Hey, Mike*, would you love Kelly* more if she did a beer funnel?
Mike*, on another raft: We're married. I don't have to love her at all.

–Rafting Down Delaware River

Overheard by: twoferrets

Man on a bike, on cell: Is this where you become an evil bitch?

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Ilyse

Guy: If they try to get you to cook dinner, don't do it. That's how they try to control you.

–Redondo Beach, California