Girl: It's funny, when I first met you, you were a virgin, and now you fuck everybody!
Guy, whining: Shut up!

–Smith Point, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Tom and Katie

Dude #1: So, whatever happened to that stripper you were dating?
Dude #2: It’s over. I think it’s a bad idea to date strippers. You realize there’s a good reason they’re strippers, then it fucks it up every time you go back. It’s like, you look at these hotties and imagine all the possibilities, but now, after dating enough strippers, you realize the possibilities include consoling her drunk ass as she cries about being abused as a child while she lines up another rail of coke, then tells you her secret fantasy is to see you get nailed in the ass by another dude!
Dude #1: I still want to date one.
Dude #2: … Yeah, they’re fun.

–LaHaina’s, Mission Beach, California

Overheard by: sean

Middle-aged woman: It's a relationship.
Younger woman: It's a bumper sticker.

–Laupahoihoi, Hawaii

Overheard by: Sunny

Fat girl: What did you and Michelle talk about on the phone last night?
Skinny girl: She and Alex are fighting.
Fat girl: You're lying, they are not! What did she really tell you?
Skinny girl: Well, she thinks Victoria's replacing her.
Fat girl: Ugh, she could've just talked to me about it… Victoria did kinda replace her, though.

–Lavalette, New Jersey

Overheard by: Crab

Girl: Ah! Julian's so bad at paying attention to me when we aren't having sex! Wait, did I say that out loud?

–Ocean City, Maryland

Big man: No, I never blamed my wife for me being fat. I blame her for me being a nympho… Not for being fat, though…

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Early-20s chick: I mean, I love my dad as a father and a friend, but, like, definitely not as a husband.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: awesome is as awesome does

Frat guy #1: So he was dating her for a whole month before he realized she was a tranny. Even had sex with her twice, no clue.
Frat guy #2: There's no way he didn't know!
Frat guy #1: Well, he was drunk. And you went out with her before he did, so who are you to talk?

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: The WC

Blonde girl on cell: That's not fair! Just because I want to actively pursue a sexual relationship with my thesis advisor does not mean you can call me a whore! (long pause) My boyfriend says he doesn't care.

–Los Angeles, California

Drunk dude: My girlfriend said I could have butt sex with a hooker at the bachelor party if I promised never to bring up butt sex again when I get home.

–Brigantine Beach, New Jersey