Child: Mommy, do the fish come from the ocean or the country club?
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Child: Mommy, do the fish come from the ocean or the country club?
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Greek man: You are so white! Why are you so white?
Pale girl: I’m from England.
–Stalis, Crete
Overheard by: Another pale girl
Bell boy: I applied to be a dancer on a cruise ship, and I totally had the body for it. I had a six pack, borderline eight pack. Plus, I have a mango dick. What am I supposed to do with that now?
–Honolulu, Hawaii
Father to 14-month-old daughter: Can daddy get a table dance?”
(toddler starts to bounce up and down)
Mother, taking daughter from father's arms: No, because she wants to give her mama a lap dance!
Disgusted uncle: This is so wrong on so many levels…
–Doheny State Beach, Dana Point, California
Overheard by: Glad I'm related by marriage
Father to 14-month-old daughter: Can daddy get a table dance?”
(toddler starts to bounce up and down)
Mother, taking daughter from father's arms: No, because she wants to give her mama a lap dance!
Disgusted uncle: This is so wrong on so many levels…
–Doheny State Beach, Dana Point, California
Overheard by: Glad I'm related by marriage
6-year-old day camper #1: My favorite is the leopard shark. Is it your favorite, too?
6-year-old day camper #2: Nah, my favorite animals are monsters.
–Birch Aquarium, Scripps Oceanography Institute, La Jolla, California
Overheard by: orly
Girl: If I use cooking oil, do you think I’ll tan twice as fast?
Boy: No, but you’ll probably smell like bacon.
–Corolla, Outer Banks, North Carolina
Overheard by: Mandy
Dirty old man to visibly terrified 20-something girl next to him: You know, as of today I am no longer on probation. Yep. You look good in shorts. I'm wearing pants cause I had to go to court today. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it's Steven*! Not on probation anymore! (hangs up without saying goodbye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that building's the one my buddy sold and now it's a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Peter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Wanted me to go to [unintelligible] with her. Never been there to this day. Been to South America, Africa, all over! Never done go to [unintelligible]. Alright, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer terrified 20-something girl to random girl: He smelled like cocaine!
–Express Bus, Waikiki, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel
Girl #1: And she was like, “Is it too blonde?”
Girl #2: Ah! Like, you can never be too blonde!
Girl #1: Exactly.
–Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: J.J.
Male beach-goer #1: Wait, how did I get stuck carrying the poop?
Male beach-goer #2: You didn’t.
Male beach-goer #1: Isn’t the poop in this bag?
Male beach-goer #2: Ok, yes, technically speaking, you’re carrying the poop.
Male beach-goer #1: Oh my God! No one’s ever said that to me before.
–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Poopfactory
