Teenage boy: I love grass near the beach. Like, if this grass were on Ft. Rucker it would suck, 'cause it's just grass. But here it's awesome, because you know there's a beach next to it.
Dad: What the hell are you talking about?
Teenage boy: What!
–Pendleton Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Middle child
Old lady looking at 30-something lady with a pot belly: Oh, how nice! How far along are you?
30-something lady: I beg ya pardon?
Old lady, smiling: Well, when are you due honey? The baby!
30-something lady: I'm not pregnant! This is how I look!
–South Beach, Miami, Florida
Girl #1: I mean, why would he register as a Republican only to vote in the primary?
Girl #2: Ugh… Gross! You are not allowed to fuck a Republican!
–UCSD, California
Overheard by: Holiday
White girl to black friend: Why do black people wear colored skinny jeans?
Black girl: So when it's dark you can see them.
–Tampa, Florida
Teen girl #1: Are you done yet?
Teen girl #2: Still haven’t done it yet… By the way, you might not want to get in the way of the current!
Boy: Gross! She’s peeing!
Teen girl #2: Shhh! Everyone can hear you!
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
30-something woman to friend: Was it g-genital problems?
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Kelly
Dude #1: Ah, see that girl?
Dude #2: Yeah.
Dude #1: She is whack.
Dude #2: Didn’t you date her for like a year?
Dude #1: Yeah, but she wasn’t whack back then.
Dude #2: So it’s safe to say that you made her whack?
Dude #1: It was the crack that made her whack, I just cheated on her a lot.
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Mykl
Four-year-old boy, winding up long conversation: And so that's why spiders live in your eyeballs. They play in the blood and love to drink dirty water. (pause) Can I have a snack?
–Santa Barbara, California
Preppy girl: So about this swine flu thing… like, who would want to have sex with a pig?
–Melbourne, Australia
Overheard by: Kermit
Hobo: Are you my girlfriend?
Girl walking by: No.
Hobo: I'mma piss on your shoe! I'mma piss on your shoe!
–Santa Monica, California
