Navy guy #1: Do you have beach shorts?
Gift shop employee: Yeah, over there.
Navy guy #2: This is a small. I think I need a medium.
Navy guy #1: Dude, no. Your dick is small.

–Pensacola Beach, Florida

Adorable niece: I can see your wiener because I have X-ray vision!

–Corral Cabana Club, Tampa, Florida

Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Bikini girl to friend: Yeah, I'd suck a dick for an iPod touch.

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Bikini girl #1: Oh my god, he was totally sleeping, and his member was, like, totally awake. Like, hello?!
Bikini girl #2, giggling: Yeah, hello?!
Bikini girl #3, giggling: Hello?!

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Girl #1: Does Lance have a big peepee?
Girl #2: Yes, all the girls in town know! Ask his ex Barb.

–Kirkland, Washington

Overheard by: mike hunt

Beach bunny #1: I totally slept with Brandon last night.
Beach bunny #2: How was it?
Beach bunny #1: Awesome. He was so fucking huge he, like, broke my vagina.
Beach bunny #2: Damn. That’s saying a lot.
Beach bunny #1, happily: I know! I’m a total whore!

–Del Mar Beach, San Diego, California

Overheard by: Brandon stole my girlfriend

20-something guy, screaming to total stranger: My dick is, like, totally swollen, bro!

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Nic

Girl: Hey, Daddy, look, I am riding a giant sand penis.
Daddy: I really don’t want to ever hear you say that again.
Girl: Daddy, do you want to ride the giant sand penis?

–Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: Lori Lou Who

Guy: My dick has no boundaries.

–Miami, Florida