Penis

Man: Come back in the water with me.
Boy: No. You tried to drown me! You almost killed me!
Man: Well. You shouldn't have kicked me.
Boy: Kickin' someone in the ding-dong ain't gonna kill them.
Man: It might.

–Destin, Florida

Girl to friend: Can I have some of your penis jelly?

–Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

Mom to young child eating a Popsicle: Stop putting that in your mouth! It's done, there's nothing left.
Young woman nearby: That's what he said.

–Long Beach Island, New Jersey

Overheard by: Tara

Girl: Instead of “fisting” would elephants do “trunking”?
Guy: Wouldn't that be redundant? You know, trunk… Penis…
Girl: Yeah, maybe trunking is just elephant oral. (pause) That is a sentence I never thought I would ever say.

–Bar Harbor, Maine

Chick #1 disappears into bedroom with dude.

Chick #2: Go ahead, bitch, suck his dick. It’s sandy and it tastes like me.

–Beach Haven, New Jersey

Man with no pants to girls leaving bar: Leaving so soon?
Girl: Uh, yeah…we're hungry. We're gonna go get some food.
Man with no pants: Why? There's plenty of sausages right here!

–Garden of Eden Bar, Key West, Florida

Overheard by: K

Skinny hipster in the river: Then why the fuck are we swimming here if I could lose my fucking dick?!

–Roanoke, Virginia

Overheard by: commodore

(built dude in super-tight white spandex shorts roller blades past a group of hipsters on bicycles)
Biking ironic hipster to girlfriend: Woah. Did you just see that sweet penis?

–North Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Kara Lang

Beach bunny: Oh, honey, your bathing suit is see-through when it gets wet.
Surfer dude: What? Can you see my penis?
Beach bunny: Well…
Surfer dude to nearby sunbathers: Can you see my penis?

–Flagler Beach, Florida

Overheard by: the nearest sunbather

Beach bunny: Oh, honey, your bathing suit is see-through when it gets wet.
Surfer dude: What? Can you see my penis?
Beach bunny: Well…
Surfer dude to nearby sunbathers: Can you see my penis?

–Flagler Beach, Florida

Overheard by: the nearest sunbather