Penis

Boy: Mom! I want a wooden penis!
Mom: You have one already.
Boy: Then I want a metal penis!
Dad: Actually, that might come in handy.

–Dolphin Cove, Jamaica

Overheard by: bea arthur

Girl to surfer boy: If your dick is big as this ice cream I'll throw the ice cream in the trash and lick your dick!

–Santa Monica, California

Wife: Murray! Cover up! Your business is hanging out of your bathing suit!
Husband, nonplussed: That business closed down years ago.

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Larry

Bell boy: I applied to be a dancer on a cruise ship, and I totally had the body for it. I had a six pack, borderline eight pack. Plus, I have a mango dick. What am I supposed to do with that now?

–Honolulu, Hawaii

Drunk guy to drunk friends: I love you from the base of my penis!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Allison

Drunk guy to drunk friends: I love you from the base of my penis!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Allison

Tween boy #1: It is bigger than yours.
Tween boy #2: No, it’s not. Besides, it doesn’t matter. They are only sand castles.
Tween boy #1: I wasn’t talking about that.

–Clearwater Beach, Florida

Overheard by: MangoJoe

Gay guy #1: Tom has such a huge dick! I swear I was walking bow-legged for three days! I think it might become a serious thing!
Gay guy #2: I know! He has such a huge dick!

–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Nine-year-old boy #1 (yelling): My penis! My penis just closed!
(pause)
Nine-year-old boy #2 (yelling): Cool!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Chandler Smith

College girl #1: Oh my God! Look at his bulge!
College girl #2: He must have a huge dick.
Random lady: Sluts!

–Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: tanned tourist