Mother to father: Oh my! Jerry, say something to that old man. His testicles are hanging out of his swimsuit.
Little girl: I have testicles. They’re in my mouth. [Opens mouth]Mother: Not tonsils. Testicles!
Father: Seven, and already MTV has ruined her.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Book Reading Beach Bum
Little boy pointing to black woman: Look, Mom! It’s a chocolate lady!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Jane
Little boy, pointing to large drawing of a penis in the sand: Oh my God, that is disgusting. Dad, look, it’s disgusting!! Dad, do you know what it is?
Dad: Yes.
Mom walks over.
Mom: What is it?
–Popham Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Fitzy
Daughter to mother: You yell at me for saying ‘munted,’ ‘fucked,’ ‘wasted,’ and ‘shafted,’ because you say they all mean ‘having sex.’ So for the love of god, when you tell that story will you stop saying you were ‘stiffed’ by an old lady?!
–New Zealand
Toddler: Mom, we are the hermit crabs that are going to change the world.
–Monterey, California
Boy being changed on changing table (babbling): Bama amma bama.
Mother: Obama Obama Obama.
–Restroom, Royal Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Penelope
Mom #1 (watching her boy): We originally chose the name Eric, but now I'm thinking we should just call him Rick.
Mom #2: But then he would be… Rick James?
Mom #1: Yes. I think it suits him better.
Little boy (running by): I'm Rick James, bitch!
Mom #1: Maybe we should just stay with Eric.
–Baker Beach, San Francisco
Mom, while burying her four-year-old son in the sand: Yo, did you hear what he just said? He said “don't pat too hard or my balls will explode!”
–Rockaway Beach, New York
Overheard by: That's why I'm scared to have kids
