Moms

Mother: Honey, do you want some cheddar cheese Pringles?
Kid: Sure.
Mother: See, they have zero grams trans fat. That’s really important now.

–Bradley Beach, Jersey Shore, New Jersey

Kayaking girl #1: Mom, where do we go?
Kayaking mom: Oh, why don't we go to the other side of the island?
Kayaking girl #2: No, we can't! I heard they had guns and spears over there–I don't wanna get shot!

–Sugarbay, St. Thomas, South Africa

Overheard by: yams

White trash mother to crying infant: Would you stop being such an asshole? Jesus, you’re just a selfish bastard like your father.

–Scarborough Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: girl in bikini pretending to read

Mom to young son: You lost all your privileges when you peed in your pants.

–Long Beach, California

Overheard by: Scott

Mom to screaming eight-year-old boy: I'm going to throw you in the pool if you don't behave.
Eight-year-old boy: Are you crazy? I'll get an ear infection!

–Resort Restaurant, Dominican Republic

Overheard by: Tanya from NY

Walrusy pink tourist mom, juggling McDonald's bags and towels: Are those seagulls following us?
Dancing pink tourist toddler: I want hanka burger and French-ah fries!
(seagulls swoop over them, attacking the bags)
Dancing pink tourist, shrieking: Oh my god! My French-ah fries!

–St. Peterburg Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws

Mom hands little boy a hot dog.

Little boy: Oh, thank you, Lord!
Mother: I am not the Lord!
Little Boy: Well, thanks, Mom.
Mother: I hate you.

–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Sitting nearby, LOLing.

Mom to three-year-old boy: Don’t you run into the ocean. It’s cold. If you start drowning, no one is going to want to come in and save you!

–Topsail Island, North Carolina

Overheard by: Eric

20-something daughter: She’s 23.
Middle-aged mom: Well, if she ain’t married yet, she ain’t never gonna be.

–Daytona, Florida

Overheard by: MAGICALLY engaged at 36

Cute Jewish on cell, to mother: Are you calling me just to fucking nag? Cuz if you are, I am hanging up. (pause) I don't know, I'm going to do what every Jew does on Christmas, go to the movies and eat Chinese food!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia