Mom: If you drown, I won’t save you. Don’t you dare get in that water!
Son runs into the ocean
Mom: Son of a bitch. He can’t swim, and my suit can’t get wet. Do I really have to choose, because this bikini was pretty damn expensive.
–Belle Harbor, Queens, New York
Girl on cell: Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm in the library. (pause) Yes. (pause) No, I can't talk, I'm studying.
–Blemar Beach, New Jersey
Girl: So, when Daddy said that his girlfriend was coming to stay the night it was a bad thing?
Mother: Yes, dear.
Girl: Does this mean I get two Christmases and two birthdays, like Ashlee?
–Parua Bay, New Zealand
Overheard by: naughtygurl
Girl #1: Did you hear we’re getting the lockers on the bottom row at school next year?
Girl #2: Oh, really? I hope I get someone hot on top of me.
Mother, just tuning in to conversation: What?!
–Williamstown Beach, Melbourne, Australia
Overheard by: knee coal
Muscle guy: Damn, that Lexus just hit that kid on a bike in front of Circle Pizza!
Blonde woman: Wait what? Was it one of mine?
Muscle guy: No, yours are jumping off the bridge.
Blonde woman: Oh, thank god.
–St Avalon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Himbo
Mom to kid: Shooting it up my ass?! Not a good idea!
–Jacksonville Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Laura L. Davis
Child: Does that man have an accent?
Mother: He might just be retarded.
–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Rex
Awesome mom #1: Yeah, so they were going to adopt this baby from China, but when they saw her she was ugly and they decided not to get her.
Awesome mom #2: Oh, really? That’s too bad.
–Ferry Beach, Maine
Overheard by: shawshank
Mother to toddler: Baby, don’t cough like that. People are going to think you have TB, and then no one will want to be your friend! [To friend] I probably shouldn’t tell her that, should I?
Friend: Probably not. You’re going to give her a complex.
Mother: Shit.
–Panama Beach, Florida
