Moms

Little kid: Mommy, what are those squishy things that hang by big, round balls?
Mom: Are you talking about jellyfish and tentacles?
Little kid: Yeah, that’s it: testicles.

–Huntington Beach, Surf City, California

Tired-looking mother: Alice! Heel!

–Hunstanton, England

Overheard by: Dan

Mother to child, as they leave the beach: You're like walkin', talkin' birth control.

–Brownie Lake, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Erin Christey

Little girl: Mommy, where’s the rest of your bathing suit?
Mother: It’s called a ‘thong,’ honey.
Little girl: Like that song?
Mother: Yes, honey, just like the song.

Little girl hums ‘Thong Song.’

–West Palm Beach, Florida

Little girl: Mommy, where’s the rest of your bathing suit?
Mother: It’s called a ‘thong,’ honey.
Little girl: Like that song?
Mother: Yes, honey, just like the song.

Little girl hums ‘Thong Song.’

–West Palm Beach, Florida

Mom to son as he runs off to play: Don’t touch the sand! Don’t touch the sand!

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Jawdropped

Mother with accent, talking to grown son: David, blow up the raft!
David: No! Make dad do it!
Dad: You’re younger. You have more air in your lungs.
Sister: Dave, just blow up the raft.
David: No!
Mother: Son, shut up and finish the blow job.

–Hilton Head, South Carolina

Overheard by: anna

Little girl: Mommy! I caught a wave!
Mother: Did you catch any trash?

–Brighton Beach, New York

Little girl: Mommy, is this Lake Michigan?
Mom: Yes, honey.
Little girl: Then why doesn't it look like this in Chicago?

–Petoskey, Michigan

Large mother to screaming child: Stop that screeching or I'll cut out your larynx!
Large mother to large sister: Where did she learn to screech like that?
Large sister: I don't know, ask the one in the wheelchair. (points to grandmother in wheelchair)

–Ocean City, Maryland