Daughter: Thanks for giving me an aneurysm, Mom.
Mother, under her breath: I wish I’d given you an aneurysm.
Daughter: What?
Mother: Nothing, dear.
–Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Cols
Daughter: Thanks for giving me an aneurysm, Mom.
Mother, under her breath: I wish I’d given you an aneurysm.
Daughter: What?
Mother: Nothing, dear.
–Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Cols
Woman to six-year-old son and friends: Wait, so do you pronounce it “Jäger” or “gay-ger”?
–Del Mar, California
Lady exiting 7-Eleven: Honey, they don’t have any flamethrowers in there!
–Nags Head, North Carolina
Overheard by: matthew
Father to daughter, while mother brushes hair: Doesn't that hurt?
Daughter: Nope, I have a strong scallop.
Father: What does that mean? Your head is not made of vegetables!
Mother: What? Vegetables? That's “scallions,” you idiot! And your head is not a scallop, it's a scalp… you're both idiots! (laughs hysterically)
–Robert Moses, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Sugardoll
Mom to 10-year-old son after he shakes sandy blanket in her face: You little fucker. I am going to fucking drown you in the ocean!
–Clearwater, Florida
Little girl, screaming to mother on an excruciatingly hot day: Mommy, my eyes are sweating!
–Coney Island Beach, New York
Little boy: Mom, Jewish people are from the desert, right?
Mom: Yeah.
Little boy: So why are they in Miami?
Mom: The beach is like a desert — with water, though.
Little boy: Oh. What about black people?
Mom: Sweetie, they’re just tan. They’re all just tan. Now go play. [pause] It’s like I’m healing the world.
–Miami, Florida
Father to 14-month-old daughter: Can daddy get a table dance?”
(toddler starts to bounce up and down)
Mother, taking daughter from father's arms: No, because she wants to give her mama a lap dance!
Disgusted uncle: This is so wrong on so many levels…
–Doheny State Beach, Dana Point, California
Overheard by: Glad I'm related by marriage
Father to 14-month-old daughter: Can daddy get a table dance?”
(toddler starts to bounce up and down)
Mother, taking daughter from father's arms: No, because she wants to give her mama a lap dance!
Disgusted uncle: This is so wrong on so many levels…
–Doheny State Beach, Dana Point, California
Overheard by: Glad I'm related by marriage
Mom: You cut your finger on a Cheetoh?
–Hotel pool, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
