Moms

Four-year-old boy scampering on shore: She’s got crabs! She’s got crabs! She’s got crabs!
Mom wading in water: Stop saying that!
Four-year-old boy: But you do… They’re all over down there!

–Sharky’s Beach, Port Charlotte, Florida

Little boy: Mommy, dolphins don't have gills!
Mom: Yes they do, honey; all fishes have gills.

–Hawaii

Overheard by: Sarah

Mom to child: Now, don’t get all sandy!

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Emily

Little girl, pointing to man in Speedo: Mom, what’s that?
Mother: That’s his swimsuit.
Little girl: No, what’s in his swimsuit?

–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Little girl, very afraid of the toilet: No!
Girl's frustrated mother: Go to the bathroom. It's not going to hurt you. I promise!
Girl: No!
Mother: Please! I'll be standing right here. Nothing will happen.
Girl: No no no no no!
Mother: Goddammit, Kylie! You can't hold you poop in forever!

–Newport Beach, California

Overheard by: Millie

Girl under umbrella: She said her two life goals are to grow a third arm and trip a cripple.
Mom (to friend): She’s a theater kid.
Friend: But still, I don’t see any reason to hurt a disabled person.

–Sea Isle City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Mary

Angry mother: Wash your damn hands!
Dirty son: No!
Angry mother: Wash your damn hands, Justin!
Dirty son: [Sticks his hands in the clogged sink.]Angry mother: Use the fucking soap. You just gave the dog his medicine in his butt.
Dirty son: No way, I already stuck my hands in my mouth.

–In-N-Out Burger, Long Beach, California

Mother: Both of my daughters are allowed to marry Orlando Bloom if they ever want to. That is one gorgeous boy.
Father: Who’s Orlando Bloom?
Daughter #1: An elf.
Mother: No, he’s not.
Daughter #2: Yes, he is — he was Legolas in the Lord of the Rings.
Father: The elf was played by a black man?

–Carolina Beach, North Carolina

Mom, pushing crying three-year-old: You cannot cry here! Wait till we get back to New York, where it s snowing, to cry!

–Isla Verde, San Juan, Puerto Rico

Overheard by: i wanna cry too!

Drunk mother #1: I met him at a bar. He looked like George Clooney… But we’ll see.
Drunk mother #2: Wait, aren’t you dating someone?
Drunk mother #1: Not anymore. He just doesn’t know it yet.

–Daytona Beach, Florida