Boy: Mom! I want a wooden penis!
Mom: You have one already.
Boy: Then I want a metal penis!
Dad: Actually, that might come in handy.
–Dolphin Cove, Jamaica
Overheard by: bea arthur
Toddler pointing to cotton candy: I want that ice cream!
Mom: That’s not ice cream.
Toddler: What is it?
Mom: That’s insulation. It’s for your attic.
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Aaron
Four-year-old girl: Hey, remember when I used to be afraid of air?
–West River, Brattleboro, Vermont
Five-year-old pulling her bottom lip down: I have herpes!
–Seabrook Beach, New Hampshire
11-year-old Korean boy to 11-year-old Egyptian boy: You live in pyramid and you mummy!
–Christchurch, New Zealand
Overheard by: novalis
Woman to six-year-old son and friends: Wait, so do you pronounce it “Jäger” or “gay-ger”?
–Del Mar, California
Little brother: Aren't you glad we watched Shark Week when we were in North Carolina and not like, last night?
Big brother (sarcastically): Yeah. Great. Because sharks never come here.
Little brother: Well, at least it's not Florida. Or South Africa.
–Avon, New Jersey
Little girl, screaming to mother on an excruciatingly hot day: Mommy, my eyes are sweating!
–Coney Island Beach, New York
Three-year-old girl with strong Southern accent: I am gonna get tattoos all over myself.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: james
Little boy: Mom, Jewish people are from the desert, right?
Mom: Yeah.
Little boy: So why are they in Miami?
Mom: The beach is like a desert — with water, though.
Little boy: Oh. What about black people?
Mom: Sweetie, they’re just tan. They’re all just tan. Now go play. [pause] It’s like I’m healing the world.
–Miami, Florida
