Jobs & careers

Girl on beach to group of friends: My college roommate worked at Hooters, she’s nice but she’s a slut‐and‐a‐half!

–Brighton Beach, New York

30‐Something business dude: I’ve traveled a lot, man, and I’ve been to Costa Rica, and there are no Indians there. Like, people are educated, and there are people with Master’s degrees driving taxi cabs and stuff!

–Golden Gardens, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Be‐deez nuts

Guy: We need servers who are nice, polite, legal, and will pass a drug test.

–Miami, Florida

Bell boy: I applied to be a dancer on a cruise ship, and I totally had the body for it. I had a six pack, borderline eight pack. Plus, I have a mango dick. What am I supposed to do with that now?

–Honolulu, Hawaii

Girl: So, I’ve finally decided what I want to do in life. I’m done with modeling. I am going to create a product, and sell it for charity.
Guy: Oh, that’s cool. What’s the charity?
Girl: I haven’t decided yet. I’m still working on it.
Guy: Oh, okay.
Girl: I need to decide on the product too.

–Miami Beach, Florida

Weasel on cell: I’m in Brooklyn now, so it will have to wait until later…

–Miami Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Local

Girl with lower standards: I think you should go out with Spook. Yeah, I like him for you.
Girl with higher standards: He’s a drug dealer. Why would I want to date a drug dealer?
Girl with lower standards: He’s not a drug dealer.
Girl with higher standards: He sells me weed all the time.
Girl with lower standards: That’s just his part‐time job.

–Cabbage Beach, Paradise Island, Bahamas

Hipster teen on cell: No, dude, I’m not sober. I’m totally drunk and I have to babysit in less than an hour!

–Alki Beach, Seattle, Washington

20‐something girl: I can’t believe I let my career go. I could have been the new Paris Hilton, but like Spanish. Caliente!

–Lincoln Woods State Park, Rhode Island

Eight‐year‐old boy to random adult: I want to be a terrorist just like my grandpa!
Shocked random adult: Wouldn’t you rather be a police officer or a Texas Ranger or something?
Eight‐year‐old boy: No. They don’t get paaaaaid!

–New Smyrna Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Rachel Marie