Drugs

Mom in bikini: She's had an on-and-off boyfriend since september, and it's been nothing but drama. I'm trying to get her to stop answering his calls. He's trouble. He overdosed in October and he hasn't passed a class in four years. One time he called her cell phone from a number that wasn't his, and she asked whose phone he was calling from, and he said, “your house phone.” He sneaked into our house when no one was home!
Mom in one-piece: Maybe you should think about a restraining order.
Mom in bikini: Well…
(phone rings: it's the daughter)
Mom in bikini: No! I told you not to answer his calls! And do not call him back! If you call him back, his mother will go to the police! She called me today and told me they're thinking about taking out a restraining order against you!

–Belmar, New Jersey

Police officer: You’re under arrest for underage drinking in public.
American teen: But they’re from Canada, officer!
Police officer: Got any marijuana in your purse?

–Sandestin, Florida

Overheard by: proudcanadian

Stoned surfer #1: Hey, remember that time when that shoe washed up that had a foot in in it?
Stoned surfer #2: Oh, yeah! And that dog got it and was running around with it and wouldn’t let anyone have it? That was hilarious.
Stoned surfer #1: Totally.

–Bolinas, California

Overheard by: didn’t think it was hilarious then or now

Drunk teen guy: If I had a vag, I'd totally stick drugs and shit up there!

–Lavalette, New Jersey

Overheard by: I have one, but I don't

40-year-old yuppie man: Yeah! I think a detox kiosk is a great idea!

–La Jolla, California

Overheard by: Confetti Bomb

Man in skirt to bald woman: Seriously… Marijuana-fueled cars. It’d be great! Everyone would be high, and we’d have clean air!

–Avon, New Jersey

Overheard by: Tomatilla

16-year-old on phone: So he tried selling you heroin?

–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: That guy

Man: Remember to say no to crack, Joseph. Okay?
Little boy: Huh?

–Indiana Dunes State Park, Indiana

Overheard by: Breet

Guy: So how’s Bob?
Girl: He’s okay. They went in and found the tumor and took it out. They still need to do a biopsy to see what it is, but they think they got it all.
Guy: Yeah, but how is he?
Girl: He says he’s got a big headache.
Guy: Well, yeah, of course he’s got a headache!
Girl: Yeah, huh? The guy did just have brain surgery. But you know Bob. He was back in business on Friday, still selling herb, but now he’s got a patch on his head. “We gotta get back to normal!”
Guy: That’s a New York Jew for you.
Girl: You said it, not me.

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Sunny Reiser

Guy #1: What happened to the girl you were seeing in Phoenix?
Guy #2: She broke up with me because I had too much baggage.
Guy #3: Wait! Was that the anorexic/bulimic with depression that was hooked on painkillers and ecstasy?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: You ever fuck her while she threw up?
Guy #2: You’re a sick fuck. (long pause) Yeah.
Guy #3: There is so much wrong with this conversation.

–Pacific Beach, California