Drunk teen guy: If I had a vag, I'd totally stick drugs and shit up there!
–Lavalette, New Jersey
Overheard by: I have one, but I don't
Drunk teen guy: If I had a vag, I'd totally stick drugs and shit up there!
–Lavalette, New Jersey
Overheard by: I have one, but I don't
40-year-old yuppie man: Yeah! I think a detox kiosk is a great idea!
–La Jolla, California
Overheard by: Confetti Bomb
Man in skirt to bald woman: Seriously… Marijuana-fueled cars. It’d be great! Everyone would be high, and we’d have clean air!
–Avon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tomatilla
16-year-old on phone: So he tried selling you heroin?
–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: That guy
Man: Remember to say no to crack, Joseph. Okay?
Little boy: Huh?
–Indiana Dunes State Park, Indiana
Overheard by: Breet
Guy: So how’s Bob?
Girl: He’s okay. They went in and found the tumor and took it out. They still need to do a biopsy to see what it is, but they think they got it all.
Guy: Yeah, but how is he?
Girl: He says he’s got a big headache.
Guy: Well, yeah, of course he’s got a headache!
Girl: Yeah, huh? The guy did just have brain surgery. But you know Bob. He was back in business on Friday, still selling herb, but now he’s got a patch on his head. “We gotta get back to normal!”
Guy: That’s a New York Jew for you.
Girl: You said it, not me.
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Sunny Reiser
Guy #1: What happened to the girl you were seeing in Phoenix?
Guy #2: She broke up with me because I had too much baggage.
Guy #3: Wait! Was that the anorexic/bulimic with depression that was hooked on painkillers and ecstasy?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: You ever fuck her while she threw up?
Guy #2: You’re a sick fuck. (long pause) Yeah.
Guy #3: There is so much wrong with this conversation.
–Pacific Beach, California
Salesman: Gringo, gringo. Mexican wrestling mask, Nacho Libre!
Guy: No, dude, sorry. I already bought two today.
Salesman: Señorita, one for you?
Girl: Um, no, thanks.
Salesman: Come on… it will be something different for tonight!
Girl: If I wanted something different, we’d be at the farmacia buying Cialis.
–Puerto Nuevo, Mexico
Hot teen girl #1: Sexy llama come to mama. (throws imaginary lasso)
Hot teen girl #2 (caught in the imaginary lasso): Unce unce unce unce…yes.
Random lady to son nearby: See honey, this is why we don't eat magical mushrooms.
–Rehoboth Beach, Deleware
Overheard by: kevin
Stoner #1: When I first tried weed, I did not inhale.
Stoner #2: You know, I've always wondered why they called it a blow job…
Stoner #1: Why? Did you want one?
–Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: Max
