10-year-old boy #1 in the pool: The sign says no flotation devices.
10-year-old boy #2: This isn't a flotation device, it's a boogie board.
10-year-old boy #1: A boogie board is a flotation device!
–Panama City, Florida
Overheard by: a schooner is a sailboat
Woman: Do you think Otto* will get a complex because everyone always says "good dog" to him?
Man: I don’t think he cares.
–Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: downtown
Drunk New Year’s reveller, at 5 AM: Morning has broken, like the first…
Girlfriend: Shut up!
–Bondi Beach, Australia
Overheard by: GGary
University of Miami girl: If I wasn’t me, I’d think I was stupid.
–Miami Beach, Florida
Perfect guido #1, intensely: Yo, bro, there is no way dat your granmudda’s meatballs are better dan my granmudda’s meatballs.
Perfect guido #2: Alright, bro, I’ll give you dat much. But my granmudda’s marinara sauce will blow your granmudda’s outta da saucepan.
–Jones Beach, New York
Woman to six-year-old son and friends: Wait, so do you pronounce it “Jäger” or “gay-ger”?
–Del Mar, California
Blonde: What is autism?
Brunette: Are you serious?
Blonde: Isn't that when you write upside-down?
–Tampa, Florida
Father to daughter, while mother brushes hair: Doesn't that hurt?
Daughter: Nope, I have a strong scallop.
Father: What does that mean? Your head is not made of vegetables!
Mother: What? Vegetables? That's “scallions,” you idiot! And your head is not a scallop, it's a scalp… you're both idiots! (laughs hysterically)
–Robert Moses, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Sugardoll
Sober girl: You have no idea what’s going on!
Drunk blonde: Yes I do! I am still totally relevant to what is going on!
Sober girl: Wait, what?
Drunk blonde: Oh, relevant of! Relevant of what is going on!… Aren’t these shoes sexy?
–Santa Barbara, California
