Words

Guy to girl: I have a wiener dog that is a pain in the ass!
Girl: Is that supposed to be a pun?

–Tampa, Florida

Mother to father: Oh my! Jerry, say something to that old man. His testicles are hanging out of his swimsuit.
Little girl: I have testicles. They’re in my mouth. [Opens mouth]Mother: Not tonsils. Testicles!
Father: Seven, and already MTV has ruined her.

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Book Reading Beach Bum

Hot tan girl reading specials board: Does that say tuna and Jews?
Hot pale girl: Um, no. That says “with chips.”

–Crazy Gringo, Weirs Beach, New Hampshire

Swedish guy, to French guy: So you’re telling me I just paid like 1,000 Euro to go here and find out that some fuckin’ frogshagger screwed my girlfriend?

French guy says nothing.

Swedish guy: Hey, that’s three words for “intercourse” in one sentence! Personal record!

–Côte d’Azur, France

Overheard by: Another Swede

French backpacker waiting for bus, in heavy French accent: Please, someone take a picture of this obnoxiousnezz!

–Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica

Overheard by: RaindanceRichard

Kid preparing to bodysurf a big wave: Look! I’m a bigwig!

–Misquamicut Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Steve

Daughter to mother: You yell at me for saying ‘munted,’ ‘fucked,’ ‘wasted,’ and ‘shafted,’ because you say they all mean ‘having sex.’ So for the love of god, when you tell that story will you stop saying you were ‘stiffed’ by an old lady?!

–New Zealand

Kid #1: They put pears in my room. Did they put pears in your room?
Kid #2: Yeah, but they were horrible. They tasted like chocolate.
Kid #3: Do you mean they tasted like chalk?
Kid #2: Yeah.
Kid #1: Wait, how do you know what chalk tastes like?

–British Virgin Islands

Overheard by: A chocolate pear would be nice

Dude: I didn’t steal the Bentley. I hijacked it.
Girl: [Slaps him.]

–Oean Isle, North Carolina

Little girl: No, no, no. Mommy calls her vagina a monkey.

–St George Island, Florida

Overheard by: say what?