Young boy excitedly walking out of the ocean with father: Mom! It’s still so early in the morning and I already almost drowned!
–Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: jt
Little kid to mom, as storm is coming: If thunder claps while you’re in the water, you’re gonna die!
–Pawley’s Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Running for Cover
Delighted five‐year‐old: Mommy! Mommy! A fish!
Mom: What is it?
Delighted five‐year‐old: A fish! In the water!
Mom: Oh, you see a fish? Is he swimmin’?
Delighted five‐year‐old: No! He’s dead!
–Clove Lake Park, Staten Island
Man: Come back in the water with me.
Boy: No. You tried to drown me! You almost killed me!
Man: Well. You shouldn’t have kicked me.
Boy: Kickin’ someone in the ding‐dong ain’t gonna kill them.
Man: It might.
–Destin, Florida
Girl in the ocean to onshore friend: Come out here! I’m like The Little Mermaid without Sebastian! I don’t even have flounder!
Girl on shore: (shakes head no)
Girl in the ocean: Come on! You’ve seen Baywatch! Jog!
–Smith’s Point, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Andi
Amazed beachgoer, splashing in the waves: Holy shit! There are fish in the ocean!
–Seaside Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tess
Skinny hipster in the river: Then why the fuck are we swimming here if I could lose my fucking dick?!
–Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: commodore
12‐year‐old girl: Mom! She’s throwing up pickles in the pool!
–Ixtapa, Mexico
Dad to kid: You guys want to rent a canoe?
Kid: Canoe!? That’s super hard, even on the Wii, much less in real water!
–Lake Calhoun Beach, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: caveman
Tourist mom to kids, upon seeing dolphins: Get out of the water! Go, now! Get out! [After seeing everyone else getting in and swimming out.] Never mind, get back in.
–Treasure Island, Florida
Overheard by: Native Floridian
