On the phone

Dude on cell: So, how did that thing with the executioner go?

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Russ

16-year-old on phone: So he tried selling you heroin?

–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: That guy

Guy on cell: Yes, I'm on the beach. I told you, I'm in the Caribbean this week.

–Tobay Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: debbie downer

Attractive female on cell: No, that's sexual harassment.

–Lorne, Australia

Woman on phone: It’s been so long since I have gone out on a date, I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a woman.
4-Year-Old son, indignantly: You ain’t a woman! You’re my mother!

–Howell, Michigan

Overheard by: Catherine

20-something girl on cell: The baby-changing room?! That's horrid!

–Interislander Ferry, New Zealand

Overheard by: Sally

Dude on cell: Falling in love with me and sitting on my face are two completely different things.

–Maui, Hawaii

Overheard by: Matyis

Guy on cell: Dude, you gotta come down here…I'm about to jump in the ocean and scream at the universe and I want you to help me! (pause) Okay, yeah, send the brown people down.

–Miami Beach, Florida

Young male Australian tourist on cell: We've already been to a service station and a McDonald's, which is different.

–Rotorua, New Zealand

Overheard by: exactly how different to McDonald's in Australia?

Lady in vehicle on cell: I mean, she wants to know everything, and it's really getting annoying, I'm like “mom, Jesus Christ, hey, I took a shit today, you want to know if it floated or if it sank?”

–Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Elise