On the phone

Dude on cell: Yeah, but dude, what could she have done that was so bad you had to hit her in the face with a bottle?

–Monmouth Beach, New Jersey

Man on cell: Yeah, Paul* and I aren't friends anymore. He used my credit card and owes me $4000. Plus, it probably doesn't help that I've been having sex with his mom… repeatedly.

–Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Amused Passenger

Guy on cell, sighing: What are you gonna do, y’know? I mean, besides putting a flashlight in your vagina… Too bad.

–Delray Beach, Florida

Overheard by: TK

Man on a bike, on cell: Is this where you become an evil bitch?

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Ilyse

Fat guy on cell: I'm not interested. Throw my food at the dog.

–Rhyl, Wales

Overheard by: Jake

Weasel on cell: I’m in Brooklyn now, so it will have to wait until later…

–Miami Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Local

Guy on cell: I don't know, it may just be the chlamydia talking, though.

–Destin, Florida

Girl on phone: Did you go to my car yet? (pause) Shit, I wanted you to grab my deodorant. (pause) You have deodorant? (disgusted pause) I'm not going to use deodorant you just scraped off yourself!

–Coney Island, New York

Girl on cell: Suck a dick! Tell Vanessa to suck a dick too!

–Long Branch, New Jersey

Overheard by: Mr. Pacman and the Pacman Ghost

Hipster teen on cell: No, dude, I'm not sober. I'm totally drunk and I have to babysit in less than an hour!

–Alki Beach, Seattle, Washington