On the phone

Man on cell: I know — she’s been a proper cunt since she got cancer.

–Freshwater West, Pembroke, Wales

Overheard by: Withy

Man on cell: Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady.

–Marine World, Vallejo, California

Overheard by: Keena Burt

Obnoxiously loud tourist on cell, watching lighthouse: Oh my god! You would just love it here! Everything is so cute and quaint! They even have a building that looks just like a real lighthouse! It lights up and everything!

–Holland State Park, Michigan

Guy on cell: That was the first time I shit my pants in a while!

–Salem, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Laura Wilson

Man, answering phone: Talbot Street Watersports, how may I help you?
Customer: Oh, what street are you on?
Man: Still on Talbot Street.
Customer: Oh, good… I was just checking.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: OC Rocket

Dude on cell: I don’t think the marriage thing is going to work… Why? Because I’m already married!

–Smith Point, Long Island, New York

Girl on phone with guy friend: You know, my sister just got her tits done for her birthday… I don’t want you fucking her.

–Jones Beach, New York

Man on cell: Well, I didn’t explicitly tell him to kill himself…

–Santa Cruz Boardwalk, California

Man on cell: What? What’s up with the banana skirt? How come I don’t get a banana skirt?

–Waikiki, Honolulu, Hawaii

Dude on cell: So, how did that thing with the executioner go?

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Russ