Lifeguard #1: So, what would you do if somebody came to you with a bat bite?
Lifeguard #2: Ummm… Clean up the wound, I guess.
Lifeguard #1: [Long pause] What would you do for someone with a clown bite?
–Echo Lake, Maine
Lifeguard #1: So, what would you do if somebody came to you with a bat bite?
Lifeguard #2: Ummm… Clean up the wound, I guess.
Lifeguard #1: [Long pause] What would you do for someone with a clown bite?
–Echo Lake, Maine
Queer: It turns out sleeping with a deaf guy is awesome!
–Penn’s Landing, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Chris Newcomer
Little girl: Mommy, what’s that red stuff in your bathing suit?
–Public bathroom, Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: Arya
Male: Your kid is eating the sunscreen.
Female: It's okay, he's bright on the inside. It's good for him.
–Pacific Beach, California
Girl #1: I don’t know what it is…I just think…
Girl #2: …He’s too nerdy?
Girl #1: No, but I think he might have herpes.
–Long Beach, California
Doctor: This woman came into the ER the other day who had cut herself on the forehead, but instead of using a towel or something to stop the bleeding, she wrapped her head up like seven times with duct tape.
Dork: Holy shit! How did you get it off of her?
Doctor: We had to cut it off in little strips. She looked like a Hershey’s Kiss.
Dork: What, you mean she was black?
Doctor: Yes!
–Crane Beach, Massachusetts
Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?
–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York
Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?
–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York
Waiter to customer: Sir, you just missed her. She looks hotter. She just got a transplant.
–South Padre Island, Texas
50-something woman: My pee was sort of yellowish today!
Younger friend: (nods earnestly)
–Mission Valley, San Diego, California
Overheard by: Thank Goodness!
