Drunk dude: My girlfriend said I could have butt sex with a hooker at the bachelor party if I promised never to bring up butt sex again when I get home.
–Brigantine Beach, New Jersey
Drunk dude: My girlfriend said I could have butt sex with a hooker at the bachelor party if I promised never to bring up butt sex again when I get home.
–Brigantine Beach, New Jersey
Jock #1: So I heard about this champion high school wrestler on Real Sports who has no legs.
Jock #2: That’s awesome. Good for him. I never won a championship in high school.
Punk, walking by: You know what’s better then being a state championship wrestler with no legs?
Both jocks: What?
Punk: Having legs!
–Pearl Street, Beach Haven, New Jersey
Overheard by: andrew dean
Chick: Okay, that girl over there is the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen.
Dude: You’re so mean. [Dude looks] Oh my god!
Chick: I told you!
–Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Cols
Worker #1: Did you just fart?
Worker #2: No, I belched.
–Solana Beach, California
Dude: You know you’re turning me on, right?
Hootchie: Do you want me to stop?
Dude: No. No, I don’t.
Hootchie: If you didn’t have a girfriend, I’d fuck you so hard you wouldn’t recognize Jesus.
–Newport, Oregon
Overheard by: Sonora
Preteen boy #1, whispering to pal: Dude! Look at that girl lying over there. Her bikini’s pulled up so tight it’s up in her snatch.
Preteen boy #2, whispering back: Quiet… Damn!
Preteen boy #1: What’s that sticking out?
Preteen boy #2: I think it’s hair, dude.
Preteen boy #1: They got hair down there?
[they high-five each other]Preteen boy #1: It’s kind of gross and cool at the same time.
–Padre Island, Texas
Girl #1: Can you stop touching your junk in front of me?
Boy: I'm not touching my junk!
Girl #2: Stop touching your junk!
Boy: I'm not touching my junk!
Girl #1: Stop touching your junk!
Boy: I'm not touching my junk!
Girl #3: Can we touch each other's junk?
Boy, girl #1 and #2: What?
–Deerfield Beach
Florida
Dude #1: Dude, why on earth do you keep fucking her if you think she’s so disgusting? Is her pussy, like, made of gold or something?
Dude #2: No, her pussy’s made of cocaine.
–San Francisco, California
(in line at a grocery checkout)
Guy: I'm really excited about watching more movies, old ones and new ones. (pause) Now that I've got my soul back.
–Huntington Beach, California
Drinking dude: He was a cool guy until he pissed in the closet.
–Long Beach, New York
