Amateur marine biologist #1: Why are they called jellyfish?
Amateur marine biologist #2: They taste like jelly. Duh.
Amateur marine biologist #1: Blueberry jelly?
Amateur marine biologist #2: I dunno. Taste it.
Amateur marine biologist #1, moments later: Cherry.
–Chesapeake Bay
Hot tan girl reading specials board: Does that say tuna and Jews?
Hot pale girl: Um, no. That says “with chips.”
–Crazy Gringo, Weirs Beach, New Hampshire
Drunk guy: If my life is their vacation, then why am I fucking broke, eating raw Ramen noodles for dinner, sleeping on the beach with the seagulls every fucking night?
–West Dennis Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: rob
Five-year-old girl looking at dead jellyfish: I wonder what flavor jelly it likes…
–Atlantic City, New Jersey
Overheard by: jared
Concerned granny: You have to get a fruit and a vegetable.
Porky grandson: Candy corn is a vegetable!
–Buffet Restaurant, Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Sandy Paws
Redneck spring breaker ordering from ceviche stand: Lemme try some of that shave-ice.
–South Beach, Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Bet he didn’t like it
Surfer dude: Dude, you just don’t know how long a foot is until you see it in a hot dog.
–Mission Bay Beach, San Diego, California
Four-year-old boy, winding up long conversation: And so that's why spiders live in your eyeballs. They play in the blood and love to drink dirty water. (pause) Can I have a snack?
–Santa Barbara, California
Kid #1: They put pears in my room. Did they put pears in your room?
Kid #2: Yeah, but they were horrible. They tasted like chocolate.
Kid #3: Do you mean they tasted like chalk?
Kid #2: Yeah.
Kid #1: Wait, how do you know what chalk tastes like?
–British Virgin Islands
Overheard by: A chocolate pear would be nice
