Food

Man: … So I just walked out of there with two heads of cabbages and a hand full of cash… And I walked up to him and said, ‘Give me that goat!’

–Restaurant, Mammoth, California

Man: One small monkey bread, please.
Girl: What’s a monkey bread?
Man: I have no idea.

–Monkey Bread Café, Ocean City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Kristin

Teenage girl #1: Yeah, my dad’s getting re-married this summer.
Teenage girl #2: Omigod, my dad just got one of those Filipino mail order brides, and let me tell you, they make the best egg rolls ever.

–Nassau, Bahamas

Overheard by: Spring Break wooooo!

Little boy pointing to portabella mushroom: Mommy, what’s that?
Tired mother: It’s a mushroom. Someday I’m going to make you a hamburger for dinner, but instead of meat, it’s going to have one of those mushrooms in it.
Little boy looking back at mushroom, terrified: Why would you do that?!

–Beachside Produce Plus, Melbourne Beach, Florida

Drunk woman at bar: I mean, we had so much in common, you know? He liked red meat, I liked red meat… It was a good relationship.

–Long Beach, California

Girl to friend: I've been so tired and hungry lately.
Friend: Maybe you're pregnant.
Girl: That's not funny at all. I'm not pro-abortion or anything, but I'd have to terminate that quick.

–San Diego, California

Overheard by: Brittany

Drunk girl: Wow, those cookies are sooo big! How do they do that?

–Highway 98 East, Destin, Florida

Overheard by: restaurant bitch

Asian guy: We should get some fish and chips.
Asian girl: Ooh, I love tartar sauce. It’s my favorite continent.
Asian guy: What?

–Steveston Pier, Richmond, British Columbia

50-something woman: I want the tiramisu for my birthday cake!
Husband: Well, the restaurant says they only have individual portions, not a big thing. That would be expensive for eleven people.
50-something woman: Well, I don't want the key lime pie, that's fifth on a list of five options.
20-something woman #1: Well, why don't we get a pie for everyone else, and a tiramisu for you?
50-something woman: I want everyone to eat what I'm eating in commemoration of my birthday!
20-something woman #2: Oh my god. I'm leaving.

–Holden Beach, North Carolina

Overheard by: Audrey

Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.

–Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Jade Buddha