Niece: I can’t find my underwear!
Uncle: Maybe it’s with my wedding ring.

–Rio Del Mar Beach, California

Girl #1: It was really awkward with him last night, he kept putting his hand in his back pocket and down the back of his jeans.
Girl #2: Maybe he had an itch on his ass?
Girl #1: It was worse then that: he started rubbing his ass on the bar stool.

–Jones Beach, Long Island, New York

Baggy-Pants boy #1: I don’t take off my shoes at the beach.
Baggy-Pants boy #2: How are you going to walk in the water?
Baggy-Pants boy #1: I’ll just keep them on. Is there a law that says you have to be barefoot in the ocean?
Baggy-Pants boy #2: No. But there’s a law that says if you do that, you’re gonna look like a jackass.

–Fort Lauderdale Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Lesley

Sober girl: You have no idea what’s going on!
Drunk blonde: Yes I do! I am still totally relevant to what is going on!
Sober girl: Wait, what?
Drunk blonde: Oh, relevant of! Relevant of what is going on!… Aren’t these shoes sexy?

–Santa Barbara, California

Lady in long line for bathroom: Why you wanna change in there when you got sand up your ass?

–Boardwalk, Coney Island, New York

Tan woman: Did you pack a swimsuit?
Pale woman: Yes, I always do.
Tan woman: So you'll go to the beach?
Pale woman: I have packed the same suit for my last five summer vacations, it still has the tags on it. What do you think the odds are?

–Emerald Isle Ferry, Michigan

Overheard by: i'm surrounded by water, isn't that enough

Chick #1: Oh my god, look at that Will*! Isn’t he hot? He’s wearing a sweater, and it’s boiling!
Chick #2: Nah, junkies can’t feel.

–St. Kilda Beach, Melbourne, Australia

Overheard by: knee coal

Little boy wearing rash guard: Mom, that little boy isn't wearing a shirt.
Mom: Mmm-huh.
Little boy: Why doesn't he have to wear a shirt?
Mom: Because his mom doesn't love him, that's why. He'll get skin cancer and die.

–Salisbury Beach, Massachusetts

Magician to seven-year-old boy: Get your hands out of your pockets! God sees everything!

–Carnival Valor, Caribbean Sea

Navy guy #1: Do you have beach shorts?
Gift shop employee: Yeah, over there.
Navy guy #2: This is a small. I think I need a medium.
Navy guy #1: Dude, no. Your dick is small.

–Pensacola Beach, Florida