Son (looking at man in Speedo): Mom! Look at that man! He's wearing a bikini without a top!

–Long Island, New York

Hootchie #1: You can totally see my ass-crack in these jeans — what do you think?
Hootchie #2: Ass-crack is the new cleavage.

–San Diego, California

Overheard by: AP

(after a person in a full Elmo suit was chased down the beach)
Guy #1: Elmo was a lady!
Guy #2: Elmo is a bitch.

–Coney Island, New York

Mother, to little boy refusing to wear swimmies: Fine, I guess you can go drown. Say bye bye to mommy. [Little boy breaks into hysterics.]

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Leigh

Boy #1: What's a turban?
Boy #2: It's what terrorists wear.
Boy #1: Is that common knowledge? (ties beach towel around his head)

–Bridgehampton, New York

Overheard by: CCW

Meathead: Dude! Your trunks, they're too short.
Hot dude wearing 80s trunks: Dude! This is America, I can wear whatever I want.
Meathead: This is not America. This is New Jersey!

–Jersey Shore, New Jersey

Hot girl to friend: No, no, my underwear comes home with me every time; my panties will be no one's trophy.

–Target, Huntington Beach, California

Overheard by: Candace

Guy, reading back of girl’s shirt, which says “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere”: I love that t-shirt! 5 cocks!

–Cherry Grove, Fire Island, New York

Overheard by: Tom Johnson

Older lady #1: You know they have a hot stone massage?
Older lady #2: Really?
Older lady #1: Yeah! It sounds really nice.
Older lady #2: Maybe we should get them! Then we can get shirts that say “I got stoned in Miami”
Older lady #1, laughing: We could.
Older lady #2: No, but I actually want to get them and wear that shirt.

–Elemis Spa, Miami Beach, Florida

Mom to toddler: Do not take your bathing suit off! You can't walk around naked! We're not French!

–Ocean Beach, New Jersey