New York

Still Doesn't Explain Ted Kennedy, Though

Girl #1: Things happen for a reason, you know.
Girl #2: Yeah… It's probably good that I'm not rich. If I were rich, I'd be such a bitch!
Girl #1: Oh, I know! I'd still love you, but you'd be a total bitch.
Girl #2: Ugh… I can just hear me now: (total val voice) I'm going shopping! (normal voice) Ugh… My dad would spoil me.
Girl #1: I know! My dad too!
Girl #2: Our dads are too nice!
Girl #1: Maybe that's why god made them poor.
Girl #2: Yeah… He knew we'd be terrible people.

–Nathan's, Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Wondering if I sound like this to other people

You Always Remember Your Slow Summer Friends

Kid in wave pool, to friend: No, you gotta jump up into the waves. Jump! Jump! No, jump up, not down!

–Splish Splash, Long Island, New York

I'm Not Sure My Breasts Are Bouncy Enough for This

Girl in the ocean to onshore friend: Come out here! I'm like The Little Mermaid without Sebastian! I don't even have flounder!
Girl on shore: (shakes head no)
Girl in the ocean: Come on! You've seen Baywatch! Jog!

–Smith's Point, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Andi

I Especially Like the 'Wave' Effect

Woman looking at water: Wow! Did you rake the water? It looks nice!
Lifeguard: Yeah, it took me a long time.

–Caroga Lake, New York

Overheard by: Willie COol

The Soft Bigotry of Low Expectations

Girl #1: I think you might be ridiculous.
Girl #2: Look who’s talking.
Girl #1: See, you’re not normally ridiculous. On the other hand, I am always ridiculous. So why should you expect any different from me?
Girl #2: I shouldn’t. I’m sorry.

–#6 Parking Lot, Jones Beach, New York

They Go to Nude Country Clubs

Naked guy: Do you know why I love going to nude beaches?
Naked chick: Why?
Naked guy: No Republicans.

–Field 5, Robert Moses Beach, New York

Overheard by: Stila

You Think I Didn't Measure Before I Packed It In?

Teen girl: You have no idea how much sand I have in my vagina.

–Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: Chantal

I'm Not Taking You to the ER If It Bites You Again

Mom to son as he runs off to play: Don’t touch the sand! Don’t touch the sand!

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Jawdropped

Dear Mythbusters…

Tattooed, bare-chested male #1: You could definitely walk a dog out here.
Tattooed, bare-chested male #2: You cannot! If you bring a dog onto a hot ass fuckin' boardwalk, the heat does not escape through his balls or his tongue.

–Coney Island Boardwalk, New York

Overheard by: SMS

We Can Always Use Extra Syringes around the House

Little girl: Mommy! I caught a wave!
Mother: Did you catch any trash?

–Brighton Beach, New York

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