New York

Mother: Stop flicking your ear.
Tween son: I can't. My ear is so awesome.
Mother: You're so retarded sometimes.
Tween son: Like dad?

–Orchard Beach, The Bronx, New York

Overheard by: Pinks

Chick #1: I can’t put these pictures on MySpace! I look fat!
Chick #2: I’ll put them on MySpace. I’m a skinny bitch.

–Jones Beach, New York

Women on cell walking down a 2-mile beach: I am right by the water. Where are you?

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Antzolino

Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?

–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York

Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?

–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York

Guy selling beer: Ladies, if your man won't buy you a beer he ain't gonna buy you anything else!
Same guy selling beer, an hour later: If you don't drink beer, you're gonna die!

–Brighton Beach, New York

Overheard by: Ramen

Out-of-shape 50-something customer: I don't know, the guys I see riding fixed-gear bikes are in really good shape.
20-something bike salesman: That shouldn't intimidate you; it should inspire you.

–Sag Harbor, New York

Overheard by: the lerpa

Angry father, trying to climb into boat with son: Turn off the fucking engine, man! I've got a fucking five-year-old here! Jesus, use your fucking head!

–The Hamptons, New York

Teen boy to friend: Don’t trust women — they have vaginas. It’s where they keep all their secrets and lies!

–Coney Island, New York

Bigmouth: I don’t care where we go, but I am not sitting with Allen… Oh, hi, Allen!

–Fire Island Pines, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Fred Daubert