Mom: Stop staring at that woman’s chest.
Tween boy: Dad said it’s okay to look as long as I don’t touch.
Mom: That’s why we aren’t married anymore.
–Jax Beach, Florida
Mother to toddler: Baby, don’t cough like that. People are going to think you have TB, and then no one will want to be your friend! [To friend] I probably shouldn’t tell her that, should I?
Friend: Probably not. You’re going to give her a complex.
Mother: Shit.
–Panama Beach, Florida
Overweight mother: I don't want to be a gladiator!
–Ocean City, Maryland
Little girl to mom: The seaweed tickles! It's like Baby Jesus is underwater, tickling my feet himself!
–Vero Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Incredulous
Kid #1: Mama, have you seen the bad guy?
Mom: Not today.
Kid #1: Is he here?
Mom: I don’t think so, no.
Kid #2: Where is he?
Mom: Well, if you don’t look for him, you’re not gonna find him!
–Malibu, California
Overheard by: Jessica B.
Child: Mommy, how old are you?
Mother: I am forty.
Child: [counting on fingers] Jeez, Mommy, you’re running out of numbers.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Four-year-old girl, dropping cracker on the floor: Oh, shit!
Mother: Um…no, honey. Not here.
–Steamship Authority Martha's Vineyard Ferry, Massachusetts
Whiny little boy: Mo-ooom, it’s hot!
Mom: Stop that! Whining makes you hot.
–Isle of Palms, South Carolina
Overheard by: Laura and John
20-Something daughter: Dad! Hurry up and take the picture; mom’s pressing her boobs into my back!
Mom: I’m sorry! You suckled from these boobs, you know.
20-Something daughter: Well, clearly I quit for a reason.
Dad: Yeah. Because you were too tired of fighting me for them.
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Kate
