Ditzy blonde: Oh my god, Stuart, there is something gooey on my towel!
Stuart: Where did you get the towel from?
Ditzy blonde: Next to your bed.
Stuart: Oh, um…it must be hair gel!

–Terrigal, Australia

Spin‐doctor chick: Well, really I’ve only slept with three guys.
Realistic chick: Ha! It’s been way more than that. After your last year in college, you’d have to be up to six.
Spin‐doctor chick: Yeah, but two of them were really bad and one was too drunk to finish, so those three don’t count.

–Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: silently smirking

Girl: Wait, so I’m cheating on you… with myself?!
Guy: Exactly!

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: trying not to laugh

Naked guy #1: My girlfriend thinks it’s weird that you and I come here every weekend.
Naked guy #2: Why? Did you tell her Mike and Rob come too?
Naked guy #1: Nah dude, I don’t want her to think we’re gay.

–Sandy Hook, New Jersey

Girl #1: Whenever I go to Europe I just say I’m Canadian and they don’t get weird like they do if you say you’re American.
Girl #2: No way I’m claiming to be Canadian! Have you talked to those people?

–Austin, Texas

Weasel on cell: I’m in Brooklyn now, so it will have to wait until later…

–Miami Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Local

Kid: Mom, how come the birds are wrestling each other?
Mom: They hate each other, that’s why.

–Children’s Beach, Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: I know why the caged bird sings

Sunbathing guy: You know what sucks? Thinking you’re more tan than you actually are.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Cop: All right, what’s in the cup?
Young guy: Uh, beer.
Cop: I asked you what’s in the cup. Now give it to me.
Young guy: I just told you, it’s beer!
Cop: You do know it’s illegal to be drinking on the boardwalk, right?
Young guy: It’s soda.
Cop: It’s beer. Give it to me.
Young guy: No! It’s mine!

Young guy runs off with cup. 

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Overheard by: also kinda drunk

Fat girl: What did you and Michelle talk about on the phone last night?
Skinny girl: She and Alex are fighting.
Fat girl: You’re lying, they are not! What did she really tell you?
Skinny girl: Well, she thinks Victoria’s replacing her.
Fat girl: Ugh, she could’ve just talked to me about it… Victoria did kinda replace her, though.

–Lavalette, New Jersey

Overheard by: Crab