Drunks

Drunk chick on raft: Hey, Mike*, would you love Kelly* more if she did a beer funnel?
Mike*, on another raft: We're married. I don't have to love her at all.

–Rafting Down Delaware River

Overheard by: twoferrets

Drunk guy to drunk friends: I love you from the base of my penis!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Allison

Drunk guy to drunk friends: I love you from the base of my penis!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Allison

Drunk girl: My goal is to win a wet T-shirt contest so I can win two hundred dollars and get a tattoo… I could never get naked, but I would if I had to.

–Ft. Walton Beach, Florida

Overheard by: If I didn’t have to work the next day, I’d have invited her to party

Drunk boy: Anemic? Isn't that when you eat too much white bread?

–Poolside, Perth, Australia

Drunken man, hitting on woman: Your eyes melt the elastic band in my swim trunks!

–Grand Beach, Manitoba

Overheard by: Tanning @ The beach

Obnoxiously drunk ho as she leans on bro for support: Don't even think about thinking!

–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California

Drunk girl pointing at pelican: Holy shit — a fuckin’ Pterodactyl!

–Cancun, Mexico

Drunk girl to interviewer with guitar: Are you part of one of the bands?
Interviewer: No, I just interviewed Paramore for my job.
Drunk girl: Oh… Well… Do you want a beer bong, anyway?

–Panama City Beach, Florida

Drunk girl to another: Where did you get this thing? The ridiculous… Things… Store?

–Carnival Cruise, Carribbean