Drunks

Random, possibly drunk lady at bar: 1, 2, 3, 4, who do we appreciate?

–Thai Restaurant, Honolulu, Hawaii

Drunk guy #1: You keep condoms and stamps in your wallet?
Drunk guy #2: Yeah.
Drunk guy #1: So what are you gonna do, bang her and send her a thank you note?

–Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: Well, it WOULD be a nice gesture…

Drunk mother: So, do… When we should send the kids to bed?
Drunk father: Well, the older one can stay up later tonight… What the fuck is that kid’s name…?
Drunk mother: Brianna?
Drunk father: Who the hell…? I mean, Sabrina.
Drunk mother: You’re holding Sabrina.
Drunk father: Cassie! Send the other two to bed in an hour or so, but Cassie can stay up later. [Baby in his arms starts to cry.] Shut the hell up, Cheyenne.

–Beach campground, Mindon, Ontario, Canadia

Drunk mother #1: I met him at a bar. He looked like George Clooney… But we’ll see.
Drunk mother #2: Wait, aren’t you dating someone?
Drunk mother #1: Not anymore. He just doesn’t know it yet.

–Daytona Beach, Florida

College chick eating chocolate rice pudding: It kinda looks like poop, but it’s so yummy!
Drunk girl: Don’t eat poop. It’s not good for you.

–Majesty of the Seas cruise ship

Drunk guy to drunk friend, seeing approaching car: Hey! Watch out for death!

–Terrigal, Australia

Drunk college student, spilling wine on herself: Oh great. Now I’m wet all over!
Drunk college boy nearby: What! Who said that!?

–Gold Coast, Australia

Drunk Spanish rock dude: This soap, it smells like penis.

–Santander, Spain

Overheard by: Murray

Drunk woman at bar: I mean, we had so much in common, you know? He liked red meat, I liked red meat… It was a good relationship.

–Long Beach, California

Drunk girl, rolling around in large puddle: It’s a bird bath! Get in!
Angry guy: Get the fuck out of the puddle! You’re not a goddamn bird!

–Bayard Avenue, Dewey Beach, Delaware