Now You Know How the Anteater Feels

Guy on cell: All you have to do is suck one cock and they’ll call you a cocksucker for the rest of your life.

–Venice Beach, California

Overheard by: Harell

Posted on May 3, 2024
Advice, BJs, California, Guys, On the phone, Words

…Or Not?

Irritated mother: So, the dance is really just a DJ playing music for an hour, it's very informal.
Blonde teen: So, does that mean it's unformal?

–Huntington Beach, California

Overheard by: hahahahaha

Posted on May 1, 2024
California, Dancing, Moms, Music, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Words

That's Not in the Brochure

Gangsta teen wannabe: Damn, son, check that ho!
Little brother: Which one?
Gangsta teen wannabe: The one with the splat-tat and the muffin top.
Little brother: Daaamn!
Gangsta teen wannabe: Maybe she’ll bend over and show some slut crack.
Mom, studying tourist info: What?

–Cannery Row, Monterey, California

Overheard by: gt6driver

Posted on February 26, 2024
Ass, California, Should've used a condom

Is That Where Tsunamis Come From?

Surfer: It’s questions like these that you have to look to the Bible for answers. Like, what would Jesus do in a line-up like this? He’d fuck people up, that’s what He’d do!

–Shell Beach, California

Overheard by: One of the masses in the line up

Posted on January 28, 2024
Advice, California, Compare and contrast, Questions, Religion, Surfers

I'm Getting a Resurrection

Girl, drinking spiked hot chocolate: Oh my god, it's like Jesus died in my mouth!

–Arcata, California

Posted on December 16, 2023
Body parts, California, Compare and contrast, Death, Girls, Religion, Sensory Experiences

At Last, Texas Has Found Its Purpose in the US

Tourist: Hey! You guys musta cleaned up real good after all the hurricanes last year. Everything looks brand new again.
Beach attendant: Excuse me?
Tourist: Yeah, you guys did a better job than all those FEMA guys in New Orleans.
Beach attendant: We didn’t get any hurricanes on the West Coast.
Tourist: You must have better levees here then.
Beach attendant: Yeah, we have Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and the rest of California.

–Laguna Beach, California

Posted on December 14, 2023
California, Compliments, Geography, Guys, Idiots, Stupidity, Tourists, Weather

Think of Me As the Consumer Reports of Sex

Guy: Why did you tell *Veronica that I had a small dick?
Girl: Because you do.
Guy: You could have at least told her I know how to use it.
Girl: You don’t!

–Discovery Bay, California

Posted on December 7, 2023
California, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Compliments, Creepsters, Girls, Gossip, Gripes, Guys, Penis, Questions, Sex, Size

You Know the Rules

Skinny white guy: I think I need to go sit in the shade for a while.
Skinny less-white guy: What?! If you are going to talk crazy, I need you to be drunk.

–Will Rogers Beach, Santa Monica, California

Overheard by: Panda