You Know the Rules

Skinny white guy: I think I need to go sit in the shade for a while.
Skinny less-white guy: What?! If you are going to talk crazy, I need you to be drunk.

–Will Rogers Beach, Santa Monica, California

Overheard by: Panda

Posted on November 25, 2023
California, Drinking, Skinny people, Stupidity, Sunbathing, White people

Hanging Ten (Inches)

Girl: They look so much bigger when you’re on your knees!… Um, I meant the waves.

–Loon Point, Summerland, California

Overheard by: likes big waves

Posted on November 22, 2023
Body parts, California, Default, Girls, Nature, Size, Words

My Inflatable Girlfriend Never Made These Kinds Of Demands

20-something guy, imitating his girlfriend: Rub my back! Put your dick in me! Me, me, me!

–Santa Monica Beach, California

Overheard by: Diana

Posted on November 21, 2023
California, Guys, Penis, Sex, Weirdness

…Then It's Not Real Fast Food.

Teen girl on cell: It doesn't have feces in it?

–Malibu, California

Posted on November 19, 2023
California, Food, Girls, On the phone, Poop, Questions

There's No Such Direction

Blonde walking on pier: I am not ditzy! Ask me a question.
Brunette: Uh, which way is West?
Blonde: That’s a trick question.

–Huntington Beach, California

Posted on November 16, 2023
Bimbettes, California, Stupidity

What's the Word for a Fear of Teenyboppers?

Teenybopper #1: Ew, I hate wide open spaces.
Teenybopper #2: Isn’t there a word for that?
Teenybopper #1: Yeah, I think it’s some kind of phobia or something.

–Huntington Beach, California

Overheard by: MarilynMonBRO

Posted on November 12, 2023
Bimbettes, California, Stupidity

Christ Returns in the Form of an Idiot, to Test the Compassion of the Modern Beach-Goer

Tourist: Excuse me, are we at the right beach?
Local: Umm…
Tourist: We want to go to the beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
Local: It’s right there.
Tourist: Where?
Local: Why am I talking to you again?

–San Francisco, California

Posted on November 10, 2023
California, Comebacks, Default, Geography, Idiots, Strangers, Stupidity, Tourists

If Only There Was a Way We Could Both Get What We Want

Woman #1: Now you see that dude right there? That one in the green swim trunks.
Woman #2: Okaaaaay, yeah, I see him. The one with the red hair that's skimboarding?
Woman #1: Yeah, him. Now, I would so hook up with him. Look at those abs. Don't you just wanna run your hands all over him?
Girl slathered in tanning oil, staring at them: That's my boyfriend.
Woman #2: Oh. How long have you guys been going out?
Girl: Four months. What's it to you?
Woman #1: Just weighing our chances.
Girl: Chances of what?
Woman #2: Sleeping with him.
(girl makes disgusted noise and walks away).
Woman #2: Don' t worry, Shar. She's hideous. We'll follow them when they leave and the next time they go to a club or something, we'll hunt him down and get what we want.
Woman #1: We always do. Wait…which one of us gets to sleep with him? (they glance at each other, saying nothing) I've got a bigger rack.

–Pismo Beach, California

Overheard by: Matilda