Hobo: Are you my girlfriend?
Girl walking by: No.
Hobo: I'mma piss on your shoe! I'mma piss on your shoe!
–Santa Monica, California
Hobo: Are you my girlfriend?
Girl walking by: No.
Hobo: I'mma piss on your shoe! I'mma piss on your shoe!
–Santa Monica, California
Girl to friend: I don't think I'm going to go into the water. I'm going out later, and sand in my crotch just makes me grumpy.
–Santa Monica Beach, California
Mom #1 (watching her boy): We originally chose the name Eric, but now I'm thinking we should just call him Rick.
Mom #2: But then he would be… Rick James?
Mom #1: Yes. I think it suits him better.
Little boy (running by): I'm Rick James, bitch!
Mom #1: Maybe we should just stay with Eric.
–Baker Beach, San Francisco
Four-year-old camper: Do you got a car?
14-year-old counselor: Uh, I can’t drive.
Four-year-old camper: So does your mom bring you here?!
14-year-old counselor: Yeah. I mean, I live in El Cerrito.
Four-year-old camper: But does that mean you live with your mom or something? Aren’t you in college?!
14-year-old counselor: Well, the truth is my license was revoked after I ran over those aliens. The FBI was angry because they needed to talk to them about the plans for the United States embassy on Mars, but it has to be kept hush-hush since the North Koreans may be on to them.
Four-year-old camper: Ohhh…
–California
Bimbette tourist #1, about sea lions play-fighting: Oh my god, look at those seals! That big one just, like, knocked the smaller one off the wood thing!
Bimbette tourist #2: That is so mean. I hope the little one, like, kicks his ass in the end.
Local: They’re just play-fighting. It’s a show of dominance.
Bimbette tourist #1: But he pushed him off! He so wasn’t kidding. I could tell.
Bimbette tourist #2: Seriously. God, how can you just excuse him acting like that? Not cool.
Local, muttering: Fucking tourists…
–Fisherman’s Wharf, San Francisco, California
Overheard by: an amused local
Jehovah’s witness kid #1: Asshole!
Jehovah’s witness kid #2: Geez, Justin! We just read the frickin’ Bible! Stop talking like that!
–Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: collin
Chick #1: You know what would be the hardest job in the world?
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: To emcee a fashion show. Oh my god, that must be so hard.
Chick #2: Oh, yeah.
–Capitola, California
Sober girl in crowded bar: I forgot what assholes people are.
–dive bar in Santa Cruz
Overweight woman chasing squirrley eight-year-old on the beach: Get over…boy! You get…boy! Boy! You lucky I can't run fast in this sand!
–Beach Boardwalk, Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Go Kid Go!
Girl: I like the smell of that. What is it?
Guy: Garbage.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: zsaint
