Man on cell: Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady.
–Marine World, Vallejo, California
Overheard by: Keena Burt
Man on cell: Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady.
–Marine World, Vallejo, California
Overheard by: Keena Burt
Surfer dude: Dude, you just don’t know how long a foot is until you see it in a hot dog.
–Mission Bay Beach, San Diego, California
Four-year-old boy, winding up long conversation: And so that's why spiders live in your eyeballs. They play in the blood and love to drink dirty water. (pause) Can I have a snack?
–Santa Barbara, California
Loud gay man: Oh my gosh! Last time I saw you I was fucking your ass!
–Hillcrest, California
Overheard by: Brit-ta-nee
Toddler: Mom, we are the hermit crabs that are going to change the world.
–Monterey, California
Hobo: Are you my girlfriend?
Girl walking by: No.
Hobo: I'mma piss on your shoe! I'mma piss on your shoe!
–Santa Monica, California
Girl to friend: I don't think I'm going to go into the water. I'm going out later, and sand in my crotch just makes me grumpy.
–Santa Monica Beach, California
Mom #1 (watching her boy): We originally chose the name Eric, but now I'm thinking we should just call him Rick.
Mom #2: But then he would be… Rick James?
Mom #1: Yes. I think it suits him better.
Little boy (running by): I'm Rick James, bitch!
Mom #1: Maybe we should just stay with Eric.
–Baker Beach, San Francisco
Four-year-old camper: Do you got a car?
14-year-old counselor: Uh, I can’t drive.
Four-year-old camper: So does your mom bring you here?!
14-year-old counselor: Yeah. I mean, I live in El Cerrito.
Four-year-old camper: But does that mean you live with your mom or something? Aren’t you in college?!
14-year-old counselor: Well, the truth is my license was revoked after I ran over those aliens. The FBI was angry because they needed to talk to them about the plans for the United States embassy on Mars, but it has to be kept hush-hush since the North Koreans may be on to them.
Four-year-old camper: Ohhh…
–California
Bimbette tourist #1, about sea lions play-fighting: Oh my god, look at those seals! That big one just, like, knocked the smaller one off the wood thing!
Bimbette tourist #2: That is so mean. I hope the little one, like, kicks his ass in the end.
Local: They’re just play-fighting. It’s a show of dominance.
Bimbette tourist #1: But he pushed him off! He so wasn’t kidding. I could tell.
Bimbette tourist #2: Seriously. God, how can you just excuse him acting like that? Not cool.
Local, muttering: Fucking tourists…
–Fisherman’s Wharf, San Francisco, California
Overheard by: an amused local
